Question 1:

Do you find it is difficult for you to turn others on?

	Yes, why do they keep running away?!
	Only when they're not in the mood, which is never.
	I'm sorry, I'm too busy frolicking in the leaves... naked.
	I'm having sex right now
	I actually carry a baseball bat to ward off such predators. Unless, you know, they're hot.

Question 2:

Do you personally get turned on by strange and inappropriate things such as routine gallbladder surgery or Barney?

	Not really, unless they're really hot.
	Getting turned on would clog my inner psyche.
	No, I don't get turned on, why, is that unhealthy?
	My TOOTHBRUSH turns me on!
	No... unless by strange you mean porn...

Question 3:

Do you like spending a great deal of time at parties, clubs, bars, etc?

	Sometimes. But only for the alcohol. No I don't drink, but hot people do.
	I have to, I'm the entertainment. Poll dancing is too a legitimate career.
	No, I prefer the great outdoors. Camping, skiing, fishing... naked.
	Yeah occasionally, I like them even better though after the tequila kicks in. Then I LOVE them.
	No, I never leave my house. I knit.

Question 4:

Have you ever gotten so drunk you were actually capable of telling one of those "Yeah, so I just woke up in a dumpster outside of Taco Bell" stories?

	I'm usually too busy serving the drinks topless to actually have anything...
	Most bars won't let me in naked.
	I like a beer when it's hot out. And Vodka...
	No, drinking is wrong. But I could knit you a beer coaster.
	Oh my God! How did you know that story?

Question 5:

Have you ever taken drugs? Including that unexplained white powder in the glove compartment of your cousin's Volvo?

	What are these drugs of which you speak?
	I don't need mind altering drugs, I get high on life!
	Uh... I snorted aspirin that one time... but damn did that burn.
	No, I'm usually no where near the front seat of the car... there isn't enough room to lie down.
	My cousin? No, no, it was my stepdads'.

Question 6:

Have you ever had casual sex with someone you didn't particularly care about, ie your next door neighbor, the dog walker, that guy/girl at Kinkos?

	I don't need sex, I'm am not trapped by my feelings of lust. Besides I can always hump a tree.
	Hey, that girl/guy wasn't a stranger, I just can't remember their name... just now...
	No, I'm a thirty-four year old virgin.
	Maybe... hey, this is none of your goddamn business! And I'm not just saying that out of guilt!
	If I remembered everyone I've had sex with my long-term memory would have to delete my year at Christian Bible Camp to make room.

Question 7:

Do you feel overused? Or perhaps... shit-stained?

	You swore! I turn my back on you!
	(Giggling) Hehe, you said shit-stained.
	Sometimes, but it goes away after I shower.
	Yes... but then I orgasm and it's all worth it.
	No, I have leaves, shit isn't a problem.

Question 8:

Are you wash and wear or are you considered high-maintenance?

	Ok, come again? Are you calling me high-maintenance? I think you should back that up, got proof?
	Uh... I wash... don't you?
	My boyfriend says I am but my girlfriend doesn't think so.
	Is that some kind of sex joke? I won't stand for that kind of language.
	The river is my bath tub, the pine tree is my towel!

Question 9:

Do you have many friends that love you and cherish you (be honest loser)?

	Well, I know they all secretly hate me, but that really isn't because of me. I mean, it's not my fault they're so lame.
	Yeah, I guess so. I'm not a loser. Don't talk to me.
	We are all brothers and sisters, only hate is my enemy.
	I have no friends, my cats are my only companions.
	Do one-night-stands count? How about that guy that was stalking me?

Question 10:

When in a department store what is your first reaction to seeing the underwear section?

	I never leave my house, I'm a shut-in, others shop for me.
	Hello hydro bra! Haha, look how it jiggles!
	Was I supposed to have a reaction?
	Underwear? Department stores? Do such things exist?
	I'd better get some more... most of mine are lost in somebody elses couch/car seat. And condoms... same reason...

Question 11:

Ok, quick, word-association game, pick the answer that best fit the first thought that entered your head upon seeing the following word: Silk.

	China and other parts of southeast Asia.
	Sheets, pillows, lingerie, caressing, genitals...
	Uh... ties...
	Trees! Beautiful trees!
	Oh, oh, I know this one, it's that stuff from worms right?

Question 12:

Do you dance often? In your room? In your underwear?

	No. Dancing is the work of Satan.
	Possibly... but only to Justin Timberlake. He's a true "artist."
	No... never... are there cameras?
	On my webcam. For money.
	Again with the underwear thing?

Question 13:

Are you boring? Does reading your own journal make you unexpectedly drowsy?

	Uh, no, I don't think so... who keeps a journal?
	Looking at myself in the mirror makes me drowsy.
	Stop using words I've never heard of, you're ruining my chi!
	I go back and read the especially juicy parts... God I'm a slut.
	Ok, it's a diary, hello?! No, but what kind of loser reads their own diary?

Question 14:

What do you normally find yourself spending money on?

	Dominoes and cat food.
	Money? Nobody uses money anymore, we have Gold Cards now, duh.
	Food, clothes, condoms, lubricants, arousal gel...
	Chips... possibly dip.
	Money is meaningless to me, it kills trees! Big, beautiful trees!

Question 15:

And finally, are you wearing underwear right now?

	Is this foreplay? Cause I can take'um off.
	Yeah, aren't you?
	Yes, and seven layers of clothing, and a blanket...
	Yes. They're totally awesome, pink with red and wait, let me check, I think there's purple...
	Underwear? What are these... underwear?