Which male character from Ship of Fools are you?

Developed by: Esther

Katherine Anne Porter's novel, Ship of Fools, is filled with flawed, self-deluded characters... though occasionally you'll find one who is a little better than the rest. Among five of the many men aboard ship, who do you most resemble?

Question 1: You are walking along the ship's deck and notice a disturbance among the lower class ruffians in steerage. What is your reaction?

	Is there some illness that is making them distraught? I should go down to investigate.
	You see, my dear, they are the perfect example of people who were not disciplined properly as children. Poor souls. How ever do you deal with them?
	You wish you could whip out a machine gun and just... or if it's illegal to kill them (sigh) maybe you could bind them in heavy layers of chain with heavy padlocks...
	It makes my stomach tighten a little to see them. Shrug. They have the short end of the stick in life, just like me...
	Steerage? Who cares... did you just see that foxy Spanish dancer walk by? Hubba hubba...

Question 2: What is your marital status?

	I'm married. My wife's ashore. I probably won't get too tempted, travelling alone like this; at least I hope I won't.
	I'm a single, swinging bachelor out for some tail.
	Women are like little children, but I have a darling wife whom I've trained well and she's so devoted to me and aids me in my work.
	I'm locked in a tormenting relationship with a woman; it's not marriage, it has none of the dignity of marriage but all of the possessiveness and confinement.
	Women? What foolish ridiculous creatures... they should be kept in place.

Question 3: What ailment do you suffer from?

	A chronic scowl
	A weak heart
	Ulcers, gastrointestinal troubles.
	Some body acne, though I try very carefully to look clean
	Obesity

Question 4: What is your dancing style?

	I want to save my energy for treating the illnesses on board.
	Dance? I'd rather pace on the bridge of the ship and imagine that I'm a fearsome admiral ready to rip out the guts of some enemy ship!
	I'm too plump to dance well, though I do have some surprising pep between the sheets...
	The girl I want to dance with is always ALWAYS with someone else... AARGH... that's it, I'm going to get drunk.
	Dancing is for fools. I'd rather skulk at the sidelines and see who else is a fellow outsider... though I won't go and talk to any of them, of course.

Question 5: Do you have any pets?

	Everyone on board is my pet, and I am their master.
	My girlfriend sometimes acts like a puppy and it makes me sick.
	Yes, a little white bulldog who gets seasick easily.
	No, pets are dirty, and I have to take care to keep myself clean and odor-free just in case I get a pass from the girl I'm lusting after.
	No, but I have enough compassion to treat a pet well.

Question 6: What's the most embarrassing thing that happens to you aboard ship?

	A woman beats my face and head with her high heel shoe... lousy women...
	I catch my girlfriend fooling around drunkenly with another man.
	I find myself attracted to a dangerously immoral woman... sigh. Why can't I be stronger than this?
	I have this horrible fit of sneezing that turns my face a blood-angry red.
	One time, at the table, my wife openly contradicts me! How dare she, after I've lectured her so many times, and so politely, on what is required of a good and faithful wife?

Question 7: What are your favorite kinds of movies?

	Any movie where the women wear skin-tight dresses... oh, yeah....
	American gangster films. Except, if I made them, the police would have the machine guns and mow everyone down...
	Movies are usually silly claptrap dished out like tripe to gullible fools.
	No horror movies. I wouldn't want a heart attack.
	Films that remind me of my pleasant, orderly fatherland.

Question 8: What's your major weakness?

	I'm a moral, upstanding man who can't seem to not be enticed by a decadent woman.
	Surrounding myself by fools who hold me back
	I'm not harsh enough in my disciplinary measures
	Food
	I can't seem to pass an evening alone without getting hammered.

Question 9: How do you pass the afternoon aboard ship?

	Some quiet reading, some rounds among the ill on board.
	Dreaming of new ways I can punish wrong-doers on the ship.
	Walking with my wife and bulldog on deck.
	Planning how I'll move in on the woman I've got the hots for.
	Painting... or at least trying to paint... I keep getting distracted by my girlfriend, who thinks she can actually be an artist.

Question 10: You have to take a woman out on a date. Where do you go?

	I take her to a small club to watch the dancers and rakishly comedic entertainment.
	I don't want to spend money on women! I just want to find a motel, have them pay for the room, and... you know.
	A large dinner at some wonderful restaurant, after which we undress our massive bodies and make love.
	I give her a tour of the ship and tell her to refrain from asking silly questions.
	Pretend to be tourists maybe but not get much out of it... no real inspiration to paint, anyway...

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