Which Great Ancient Are You?

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15 Questions - Developed by: The Bored Statiustician. - Developed on: - 8.331 taken

Are you the Godlike Socrates? Would you burn Rome and eat small children? How about living in a wine jar? Would you even make it alive out of the 1st century A.D.? Find out here...

  • 1
    On a typical week you:
    Eat some, talk some, fuck some. Tell Aristippus to learn to eat lentils and shut up already.
    Assault some young Romans with your gang in dark alleys, drink a cup of blood, get worshipped some
    Get beaten up a few times for soliciting in the marketplace
    Get your clothes touched by lepers a lot
    Write a few poems, dance with a torch, sacrifice some
  • 2
    During a truly exceptional week, you:
    Tell Alexander the Great to sod off and bite him when he tries to pat you.
    Sleep in some garden.
    Burrrrn Rrrrrome! I'd do it more often, though.
    Drink hemlock.
    Win jars of olive oil, laurel wreaths and some money. Oh, you said "exceptional" week?
  • 3
    Your recreation involves:
    Attending weddings.
    Choir boys.
    I don't do recreation.
  • 4
    Your favourite person in history is:
    Mommy! Mommy!
    Alcibiades, the naughty little bastard.
    Sod off.
  • 5
    You are:
    I really can't tell you.
    You're a filthy cur, too.
    I don't know.
    A God!
    A Greek!
  • 6
    What is the ultimate meaning of life?
    Art! Art! Art! (Whimper).
    You are not yet ready to know it. Come and hear the next sermon.
    Sod the fuck OFF!
    Beauty and piety. Wine is good, too.
  • 7
    What's your place in the movies?
    Peter Ustinov is ugly! (Cry).
    Rrrrrrrrr... Rrrrrrrr... Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... (Go for the jugular in an impressive leap).
    I'm overused.
    Rossellini made one about me, why, yes.
    Pasolini hurt my feelings.
  • 8
    What do you look like?
    You don't get to find out until the Middle Ages, really.
    I'm kind of shaggy. Want to shag?
    Rather like a satyr, or a fancy little box, or a stingray.
    If I must tell you, I have been selected to dance at festivals for my exceptionally fine looks.
    I am a work of art! (Though admittedly, I have a very thick neck).
  • 9
    Just how great are you, anyway?
    Quite, quite.
    Fuck that.
    I can't begin to tell you how great I am.
    I am the Greatest.
    Greater than you are.
  • 10
    Are you finding this test a little long?
    No! Keep asking about Me, Me, Me!
    Yes, in fact, I've still got things to rehearse.
    No time is too long for the knowledge of thyself.
    We have all the time in the world.
    I wasn't listening.
  • 11
    Men or Women?
    Oh, everything.
    Noble youths. We can intellectually masturbate together.
    Choir boys and chastity.
    There's a musical about that.
  • 12
    Do people like you?
    No, but they are stupid.
    They love me. Don't they? Guards!
    Some of them. I love them all, though.
    They like me, but the gods are jealous.
    I don't like people.
  • 13
    Do you like kings?
    I rape the children of Asian kings.
    No, not at all.
    No, they smell bad.
    I am one! (Oops).
    No, I am a servant of the Democracy.
  • 14
    Got a biographer?
    Fragmentarily. There are of course the Lives of the Poets.
    Diogenes Laertius can suck my...
    Yes, I've got four.
    Oh yes. At least two.
    Have I got a biographer? I own every biographer on the three continents! Suetonius is a blackguard.
  • 15
    What are you wearing?
    Purple and gold.
    A white tunic and a wreath. Oh, sandals, too.
    Nothing, it's warm in here.
    Flowing robes.
    I can't remember.

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