Which Great Ancient Are You?

Developed by: The Bored Statiustician.

Are you the Godlike Socrates? Would you burn Rome and eat small children? How about living in a wine jar? Would you even make it alive out of the 1st century A.D.? Find out here...

Question 1: On a typical week you:

	Write a few poems, dance with a torch, sacrifice some
	Get beaten up a few times for soliciting in the marketplace
	Eat some, talk some, fuck some. Tell Aristippus to learn to eat lentils and shut up already.
	Get your clothes touched by lepers a lot
	Assault some young Romans with your gang in dark alleys, drink a cup of blood, get worshipped some

Question 2: During a truly exceptional week, you:

	Drink hemlock.
	Win jars of olive oil, laurel wreaths and some money. Oh, you said "exceptional" week?
	Burrrrn Rrrrrome! I'd do it more often, though.
	Tell Alexander the Great to sod off and bite him when he tries to pat you.
	Sleep in some garden.

Question 3: Your recreation involves:

	I don't do recreation.
	Choir boys.
	Petronius.
	Attending weddings.
	Talking.

Question 4: Your favourite person in history is:

	Mommy! Mommy!
	Aeschylus.
	Sod off.
	Mommy.
	Alcibiades, the naughty little bastard.

Question 5: You are:

	I don't know.
	A God!
	I really can't tell you.
	A Greek!
	You're a filthy cur, too.

Question 6: What is the ultimate meaning of life?

	You are not yet ready to know it. Come and hear the next sermon.
	Self-control.
	Art! Art! Art! (Whimper).
	Sod the fuck OFF!
	Beauty and piety. Wine is good, too.

Question 7: What's your place in the movies?

	Pasolini hurt my feelings.
	Peter Ustinov is ugly! (Cry).
	I'm overused.
	Rrrrrrrrr... Rrrrrrrr... Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... (Go for the jugular in an impressive leap).
	Rossellini made one about me, why, yes.

Question 8: What do you look like?

	You don't get to find out until the Middle Ages, really.
	If I must tell you, I have been selected to dance at festivals for my exceptionally fine looks.
	I'm kind of shaggy. Want to shag?
	Rather like a satyr, or a fancy little box, or a stingray.
	I am a work of art! (Though admittedly, I have a very thick neck).

Question 9: Just how great are you, anyway?

	Quite, quite.
	I am the Greatest.
	Fuck that.
	Greater than you are.
	I can't begin to tell you how great I am.

Question 10: Are you finding this test a little long?

	No time is too long for the knowledge of thyself.
	Yes, in fact, I've still got things to rehearse.
	We have all the time in the world.
	No! Keep asking about Me, Me, Me!
	I wasn't listening.

Question 11: Men or Women?

	Oh, everything.
	Women.
	There's a musical about that.
	Choir boys and chastity.
	Noble youths. We can intellectually masturbate together.

Question 12: Do people like you?

	They love me. Don't they? Guards!
	Some of them. I love them all, though.
	No, but they are stupid.
	I don't like people.
	They like me, but the gods are jealous.

Question 13: Do you like kings?

	I am one! (Oops).
	No, I am a servant of the Democracy.
	No, they smell bad.
	I rape the children of Asian kings.
	No, not at all.

Question 14: Got a biographer?

	Have I got a biographer? I own every biographer on the three continents! Suetonius is a blackguard.
	Oh yes. At least two.
	Yes, I've got four.
	Diogenes Laertius can suck my...
	Fragmentarily. There are of course the Lives of the Poets.

Question 15: What are you wearing?

	Flowing robes.
	Purple and gold.
	A white tunic and a wreath. Oh, sandals, too.
	I can't remember.
	Nothing, it's warm in here.

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