The One True IQ Test

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10 Questions - Developed by: Trevor - Developed on: - 17.002 taken

Want to join the "Trevor and His Clever Chums Society"? Take this scientifically proven, PhD-certified preoccupation-fair, culture-fair IQ test to discover whether you’re worthy to attend our tri-annual "Let’s Gloat about How Initiated We Are and Discuss Strategies for the Implementation of IQ-based Eugenics" events, or whether you’re one of the intellectual low-castes whom we sneer down our noses at the aforesaid events. Membership costs a mere £5,000 per annum (recurring charge). Alternatively, you may wish to purchase six-yearly membership at a bargain £29,999 (recurring charge).

  • 1
    Complete the sequence: y, n, v, n, p, …
  • 2
    You possess 83 three penny bits, 567 Venusian bwahurwurhs, 0.3542619 Katapongese jilungorrheas, 25 pesetas, 95 nickels, 13 dimes and 78 4-3 Green-Shoot Clouds. Using the Outer Gractylian exchange rate, what is the smallest number of coins you can use to pay for an item costing 377.85496 grouts?
  • 3
    FIUYORAERARNEGSTHIYUORAEANAKEWR. If you rearrange the preceding letters, you can make the name of a famous:
    Saudi Arabian condom manufacturer
    Outer Hebridean playwright
    Mongolian acrobat
    Martian dictator
    Australian dustbinman
  • 4
    Here’s a question designed to assess your memory. What is the third word on line 11 of page 223 of the 1998 paperback reissue of the Oxford World’s Classics translation of Ovid’s "Metamorphoses"?
  • 5
    Who was the true author of the Shakespeare plays?
    Francis Bacon
    Fatima Whitbread
    Christopher Marlowe
    Roger Manners
    Edward de Vere
  • 6
    Saturn is to Hyperion as Jupiter is to:
  • 7
    (The number of wives Henry VIII had executed) multiplied by (the number of vowels in my surname) divided by (the number of consonants in my surname) plus (the number of diving headers scored by Alan Hansen during his career) multiplied by (the number of words in chapter 33 of James Fenimore Cooper’s “Last of the Mohicans”) divided by (Joe Montana’s three-decimal-places completion percentage in the 1984 NFL regular season) =
  • 8
    Assume that the following statements are true: (a) all heart-disease victims lose at tiddlywinks when playing with green pieces on the second Thursday of September if they own a rabbit called Callicles who was purchased from a pet-shop owned by a man who was wearing orange boxer-shorts on the day of purchase; (b) most pet-shop owners who wear orange boxer-shorts meet the criteria for Asperger’s Syndrome and have vitamin-k deficiency, and they also lose at tiddlywinks when playing with indigo pieces on any Thursday if they have previously had an article published in the “Journal of Archaeological Science”, regardless of the demographics of their opponent. Assuming these statements to be true, identify which of the following statements is definitely true:
    The “Journal of Archaeological Science” should be allowed to continue in publication, but it should not accept articles from pet-shop owners who own orange boxer-shorts.
    An Aspergic, vitamin-k—deficient pet-shop owner would win at tiddlywinks against a heart-disease victim on the second Thursday of September, so long as he/she had not had an article published in the “Journal of Archaeological Science” and/or was not playing with indigo pieces.
    All heart-disease victims would win at tiddlywinks on the third Thursday of September in a one-on-one competition against most pet-shop owners who wear orange boxer-shorts and always play with indigo pieces and have previously had an article published in the “Journal of Archaeological Science”.
    Competitions should be banned on Thursdays; rabbits should be released into the wild; commercially available food should be fortified with vitamin-k by law, and Aspergic people should be prohibited from owning shops.
    A law should be passed that prohibits people from naming their pets after a character from a Platonic dialogue.
  • 9
    Which of the following is least like the others:
    Catherine the Great
    Vlad the Impaler
    Frederick the Great
    Alfred the Great
    Alexander the Great
  • 10
    Which number will follow: 7.601, 24.702, 53.404, 106.397, …?

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