Question 1:

You come to an intersection, and the light is red. What do you do while you wait for it to turn green?

	Flip through radio stations.
	Look at people in the car beside you.
	Stare at the light, willing it to change.
	Take this oppotunity to scratch that annoying itch on your back.
	Fantasize about squeezing ketchup in bust of Bach.

Question 2:

How do you seal envelopes?

	Lick the adhesive in its entirety, and press firmly.
	Lick the end and middle spots of the adhesive, and press firmly.
	Ask your secretery to do it.
	Use one of the wet sponges encased in a plastic dish.
	Tape shut with packaging tape and reinforce with staples and chewed gum.

Question 3:

If you wrote a famous best-selling novel, what would the title be?

	Mountain Dreams
	A Heart That Is Wide Open.
	Dark Nights
	The Day I Lost It.
	Things Never to Do While Clipping Your Nails, and Other Things I've Learned.

Question 4:

Who was your favorite character on Andy Griffith?

	Opie
	Andy
	Barney
	Aunt Bea
	Floyd the barber. I light candles to him every night at my Floyd Shrine of Love and Devotion.

Question 5:

What part of you body itches the most often?

	Toes
	Face
	It always itches! The mosquitos! They are all over me! Get them off, get them off!
	Elbow
	Fingers.

Question 6:

What is the best way to end world hunger?

	Appropriate more money to charity, and less to social security.
	Use Greenland as a landfill.
	Require all those between the ages of 13-17 and 68-72 to eat only on Tuesdays after sun down.
	Build more Steak and Shakes.
	Declare steel and plastic edible.

Question 7:

Your shoe is untied. What do you do?

	Go to the mall and buy a pair with velcro straps.
	Tie them.
	Laugh hysterically untill apprehended by the feds.
	Ask for help from the nearest tall person.
	Slip them off and nibble the toe area to see if rubber is tasty.

Question 8:

You feel most at home when:

	You are asleep
	You are walking.
	You are spelling you name in the snow with your pee.
	You are sipping colas by the beach side.
	The men in your head say, 'now, now, NOW!'

Question 9:

The teller at the bank hands you an extra twenty by accident. You:

	Return it to her, and ask for her phone number.
	Return it to her, and tell her she ought to be more careful, idiot, what is she trying to do, lose her job, and she ought to be darn thankful to you for being so kind hearted!
	Slip it in your pocket and go by some nice pantyhose.
	Try to use it at the supermarket, find out it's conterfeit, retrun to the bank and complain.
	Sniff it, return it, ask for anothe flavor.

Question 10:

You are almost at the end of the test. You feel:

	Apprehensive
	Incredulous.
	Fascinated.
	Sleepy
	Impatient

Question 11:

On your day off, you can most likely be found:

	Asleep
	Running laps at the track
	Squeezing lemons into sweetened iced tea on your back porch wearing a pink gingham apron.
	Stalking your most recent victim.
	Picking your nose and studying the specimens under a microscope.

Question 12:

Your first child will be named:

	After a family member
	After your spouse
	After your favorite author.
	After a stripper from a 1972 movie.
	Your favorite brand of cheese. (That little Kraft is so crafty!)