Which Bizvogatan's sex life does your sex life resemble?

If you have a sex life, whose does it most close resemble? Here's a clue as to how you measure up against the regulars.

Question 1:Which Bizvogatan does your sex life resemble?
Yes. After all these years I have forgotten so much about of sex that I am a virgin again.
Yeah, I'm a virgin. Around L5 ... I've never fucked anything with my fifth lumbar vertebra.
In the romantic sense, yes, I am a virgin. I've suffered so much from false and abusive love that I am convinced I have never, ever, experienced real love and am trembling in fear that I never will.
I have never been penetrated via computer.
I have ...
Question 2:Do you have a partner?
What for?
Who cares. If I feel like a partner I just go out and kill one. If I masturbate that usually kills one.
No. *sigh* I've lost my partner *sigh* and I don't know if I'll ever *sigh* have another *sigh* one. *sigh* *sigh* *sigh*
Eighty or so, who counts?
There are over 16,000 nodes on this network …
Question 3:How often do you have sex?
I don't remember.
Whenever I'm in the mood I just rape and kill someone or something.
I used to have sex all the time but I was used and abused and I just can't bring myself to have sex again unless she'll come back in which case I'll do whatever she wants unless she's mean to me again and then I'll break up unless she is willing to come back again.
Does cyber count?
Cyber counts. I am infatuated with a BSD machine in Berkely that will do anything I want it to.
Question 4:Is your partner human?
Who cares? If you rape and kill it what do you care about it's species?
Will it love me for myself or be abusive and mean and mistreat me in front of all my friends and make me break up with it until it comes back?
With a cable-connection it is really hard to tell. But I Pretend they're all human and the opposite sex.
No, I prefer computers.
Question 5:Do you masturbate?
Why bother?
Whenever I'm not having sex. This end of the city is awash.
All the time. I gaze longingly at a picture of my lost love and beat my member against a spiky ball of rusty nails until I pass out.
What, you mean while typing?
I have a computer to do that for me. Does that count?
Question 6:Who do you masturbate?
Anybody I want to, although it usually involves ripping their genitalia off to be hurled into a fire from the top of a tall promontory.
Well, nobody. But I would! Really, if that's what She wanted from me and that would make her happy, I could be happy doing that. I mean it's all in the name of love and all that. I would.
Everybody. Havent' you noticed? See my ad...
Well, I usually confine such things to inserting cards and the occasional hard drive, but basically any computer. Is that so wrong?
Question 7:Do you use contraception?
For what reason?
Death is a pretty effective contraceptive. Nobody ever conceived after I raped and killed them.
Of course. I wouldn't want to impose my seed on an unwilling womb or whatever. I mean unless She wanted me to or something or maybe we could just conceive in vitro if she'd rather … if she would come back and all.
I have a powerful virus-scanner.
I wear rubber gloves at all times and work in a "clean-room" environment. No computer is in danger from me.
Question 8:When was the last time you had sex?
How would I know if it was the last time or not?
I'm having sex now.
I remember it vividly down to the day the hour the minute and the second. But I won't tell you.
I'll have to check the systems log.
Every 41 seconds. It's a chron job.
Question 9:Have you ever paid for sex?
Is that an offer?
I disdain money.
No. She never asked for money, just for emotional coin. And I was glad to pay! I would have given my all. I still would.
If you count my cable bill.
I regard my maintenance budget, hardware and software, as an ongoing expense (overhead) for sex.
Question 10:Have you ever been paid for sex?
I accept. How much will you give me?
I sometimes loot the body.
No. I demand nothing. I would never have asked for anything but respect and fair treatment. And love. And commitment. And genuine affection. And honesty of emotion. [2100 words ommited] And romance.
Once someone offered to pay my cable bill.
I do get a salary for this job, I guess that counts.
Question 11:Do you use any sexually-oriented devices?
For what purpose would I use one?
I sometimes pierce my partner with a lamp post or crush them with a building. I even poke my toenails through their intestines. Are toenails a device?
I am open to anything she wants to do --Bondage, S&M, caning, rubber, dildos, butt plugs, masks, ball gags, nipple clips, cock rings, leather belts, wrist and ankle restraints, ball stretchers, piercings, food items, inversion boots, anything to make her happy.
Keyboard, mouse, webcam, digital camera, and I had a sketchpad and a light pen once ...
I wear a butt-plug all day long.
Question 12:Is there a room in your house dedicated to sexual experiences?
I usually have sex outside. Like in a mall or the subway. I like the harbor, too.
Every room is dedicated to anything she wants me to do. I will have sex on the top shelf of the linen closet if she wants me to, even if the local newspaper covers the golden showers live.
My computer is in my bedroom …
The corporate data center serves that purpose for me. I guess you could count the tape library, too.
Question 13:Is there one particular sexual act you won't perform?
All of them, I guess. Not that I have the opportunity.
You mean something more disgusting than hollowing out the Grimace, sticking my partner inside and crushing it between my thighs? Nope.
Nothing would be too much if she wanted me to. I would do anything. Anything at all. I crave only her attentions, even her abuses fill me with love.
Somebody asked me to suck my mouse once and I wouldn't. Not without pay-pal.
I have never, never, never inserted anything onto a Centronics port and I never will.
Question 14:Is there one particular sexual act in which you regard yourself as gifted?
Like what?
The 100-yard punt. Nobody can rape anyone farther down the field than me.
Abasement. I grovel better than anyone. Nobody takes abuse like me.
I give good banter.
I upgrade like a star. Nobody can reseat a chip like me.
Question 15:How many lovers have you had?
All of them. That's the definition of lover isn't it?
At one time? Maybe sixty thousand or so. That was in Tokyo.
One. One is all that counts. Everything before didn't matter and nothing will come after. Even though she is gone I will never have another. Excuse me, I must bang my head against this sidewalk for a few minutes.
I can check the system logs and give you a precise answer, but I'll have to consult the backups. This will go back a ways…
There are over 16,000 nodes on this network …
Question 16:When you kiss do you close your eyes?
Kiss? I don't remember that. How does it go?
I seldom have sex with anything that has eyes or at least has eyes that haven't been popped like bubble-wrap.
Oh yes! I close my eyes and imagine the beauty that I can no longer see, believing in it's goodness and feeling that all the mistreatment and abuse is just a way of telling me of her vast regard and considerate respect.
I can type with my eyes closed, but I usually don't.
No. I specifically bought flourescent lights to enhance my ability to see.
Question 17:Have you ever tried S&M?
Probably. I think it must have been so long ago I've forgotten.
Does stomping thousands into street pizza count?
I am in bondage to my luv.
Well, this chair is uncomfortable.
I tried tying leather straps around the cabinet on the IBM 3090-J but it didn't do much for either of us. The Sun machine liked it better, but it still didn't tickle my access port.
Question 18:Have you ever had group sex?
I am absolutely certain that I have and that it was so long ago I forgot about it.
Does stomping thousands into street pizza count?
My love is like a host of houris being all things to all men. Except that to me she is just abusive and contemptuous, but that doesn't matter, I probably deserve it, I guess. What do you think?
Well, there was that time in the chat room.
There are 16,000 nodes on this network.
Question 19:Do you seduce your lovers or overwhelm them with your personality?
Yeah, right.
Does removing a rib and pushing my tail through to each of their orifices in turn count as seduction? It's pretty hot.
have no personality save that which she wishes me to have. I don't seduce I grovel.
I type in a bedroom font.
I am master of all the machines survey. They bend to my will. There is no seduction.
Question 20:Do you like romantic candlelight dinners?
Depends on the menu. No octopus and I'm OK with it.
As long as I am allowed to pierce my victim … uh, partner, with the candles afterward. And as long as they're still alight.
Beat me. Drip hot candlewax on my nipples!
I never type by candlelight. It causes eyestrain.
Smoke from candles is bad for the drives. The best exhaust fans in the world can't filter that crap. No.

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