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Everything I've Never Said

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1 Chapter - 1.578 Words - Developed by: - Developed on: - 902 taken- The story is completed - 3 people like it

WARNING! Very mature/sensitive topics. Abuse, self harm, sexual assault WARNING!

    1
    So, Star, what are you keeping in?
    Gee, I don't know, it's hard to say.
    Just say everything you've never said.
    Okay, here's a little look inside my head

    Ever since I was a kid, never really fit in
    Thought I was popular, took me a while
    to realize there's a difference between popular and center of attention
    laughing at me, not with me
    somehow I couldn't see, I blamed it on the ADD

    Heart got tougher after being bullied
    Shoved into the bus walls, stomped on in the aisle
    Nail got ripped off, run home crying
    Get bullied there too, no wait, that's called abuse.
    Now my skinny little arms and legs are bleeding and bruised

    I can hear her yelling at me now, inside my head
    Can't turn back now, stuck with the past, can't forget or forgive
    Running down the stairs, "She's going to beat the shit out of me!"
    Hair tugged, head numb, makes me feel a little dumb
    Kinda wish I were dead

    Praying to God, telling him to just let me go
    A girl like me, deserves to go to hell
    "Lost inside my head, nobody can hear my yells"
    Please, take me away, I don't know why you brought me here

    And my parents always argue, seems like it's always my fault
    Oh, I did this, did that blame me for your loss
    3 AM, listen to you yell through the wall, voices drift down the hall
    After a while, you get used to the cops, being at your house

    Wait, she cheated on Daddy for 2 whole years?
    That's not supposed to happen, what's going on here?
    Daddy says he wants to die, gotta say I agree with him
    Life kind of seems like it's pretty pointless

    Wish stepmother would stop getting drunk, start showing me love
    Maybe talk to me about how things are going
    Instead of calling me a lost cause, 'cause I'm oh-so-useless
    But nope, no love, just sitting in the car like strangers
    Oh god, I'm scared of you, never know when I could be in danger

    Should I tell someone? Nah, I'm sure it'll be okay
    Just continue to run, so maybe my problems will all go away
    So stepmother won't beat me, and daddy won't call me a slave
    Hey, you still listening? Having fun? Bet you're glad you came!

    Star, remember when you were five, and went to the hospital?
    Not because you were sick or hurt,
    I mean because you were too much to handle
    Stay in your empty room, with your coloring book
    They give you medicine in ice cream, while you color in Spongebob

    See, Daddy couldn't stand taking care of you
    It was making him depressed, fucking with his head
    Guess if you weren't born Autistic but that ain't your fault...is it?
    Oh well, that was in the past, wait- why does it still hurt?

    Haha, who could forget, when you went to bio mom's you were, what, five or six? just a little kid
    healthy little girl with bright clear eyes
    Came back home looking like a ghost
    What's a dream? what's reality? I'm wrapped in a lie

    Locked you in your room, so you could watch mindless cartoons
    Only in kindergarten, but you've been to like twelve different schools
    Backed against the wall, she's about to slap you with a shoe
    why does everyone want to hurt this poor little girl!

    Get a little older, see the world a little clearer
    You'd think that would help, but Nah, trapped in my mind
    it's like a prison cell, being alive is actual hell
    wait sorry, can I say that?

    Guess it doesn't really matter, my existence is a sin
    Sorry, God, that I fucked up, could I still gain your love?
    You're the only one who listens, but what do I give you?
    Hm, nothing, sorry for being such a disappointment!

    I'm praying to you asking for my happiness
    Cutting my hands, slicing my hips, hope this takes away the emptiness
    Sometimes I'm angry with you, why do you hurt good people?
    or, better question, why didn't you make me a good person?

    People telling me I got a heart of gold, thanks,
    but my heart just feels cold, lashing out, because of the cracks and burns
    kind of an asshole, I don't mean to make people hurt
    trying to be better, but me being here makes everything worse

    You know what sucks?
    When you can relate with pretty much everyone
    find yourself in the lyrics of every sad song
    because you've been through every fucking problem on the Earth!

    Sexual assault? Yup, check that off the list
    Your best friend's dad got a foot fetish
    Take that out on you, try to push him away, scared and crying
    "I'll go get Faith" you tell him, maybe he'll stop, you're trying
    "You can wake her up if you suck my cock"
    What the fuck, who put this guy on Earth?
    I'm so tired of being hurt, traumatized, no wonder I want to die.

    And I've been through a lot, believe it or not
    A couple times, people looked into my eyes, and they look so scared
    I kind of wonder, what did they see in there?
    Could they see the pain, the storm, my endless war?
    "Yeah, I'm just fine" they don't need to know it hurts

    Heartbreak? Damn, that's a wild ride
    Kind of regret love, wish I never tried
    So, who do we start with?
    Gosh, I don't know, it's not pretty, but I'll go down the list.

    Hey, let's start with the guy who only loved your body
    He says it was more than that
    but what kind of guy knows what you sleep in, but not your favorite color?
    Think all he wanted was to fuck you, yeah, probably

    You'd sit in bed, and rip up pictures
    Throwing things at the wall, feelings are really twisted
    sobbing into your pillow, screaming,"Why'd you do this, you bitches!"
    Too bad no one's listening!
    What about you is so hard to love?
    You've tried asking, but nobody answers

    What about the guy you really liked?
    Who fell in love with someone new, guess he gave up on you
    there's a hole in my heart, crying, locked in the bathroom
    crouched by the toilet, trying hard not to puke

    Then there's the girl who you told you loved
    You got in a fight, there goes that, aren't you glad you tried?
    She used to call you "angel eyes, too bad that was all a lie
    fuck, at this point, it's tempting...You know, suicide?

    So now there's a new guy, hope he doesn't ever leave
    but maybe he's lying, when he acts so sweet
    but you really really love him, anyone can plainly see
    please stay, if you're listening, don't toss me away!

    Insecurities? oh, yup, I got 'em!
    I'm fat and ugly and really fucking annoying
    "They act like you're funny, but they probably think you're obnoxious"
    the voices in my head, won't be quiet

    Want to be skinny and pretty, smart and kind, quiet and shy
    The kind of girl, guys will actually like
    Hey, angel, if you're reading, am I worth love?
    sometimes I just feel like I'm not enough, never enough

    So there, that's plenty, I got a lot out
    Was that it, Star? All you want to tell them about?
    Well, yeah, I guess, that's it for now
    Stay tuned for more, rest assured, the story's not over.

    -Star <3

Comments (19)

autorenew

64 days ago
Wow...im..actually sorry that this all happened to you.
I wish you were on my state tbh..
But nope..
I promise I can try to make life better for you even through this..phone.
Remember that the remaining people on imgflip love you.
We all do.
Including me.

-Your pal, jinki the dandere.
65 days ago
Indeed. Such is life. I cannot change it but I can change how I deal with it.
111 days ago
This is so sad, Mama wanna cry 'til the end of time.You have been through alot
166 days ago
@Ana Sonrie

Thank you *hugzzz*
167 days ago
I really wish I could give you a hug ❤️
171 days ago
@ARI

Yeah, it's pretty emotional. But yeah got all my feelings out so uh- that's all the problems I'm going through :)
171 days ago
Wow this is deep. :(
172 days ago
@Itsme Thank you? haha
172 days ago
awww thats so sad im prepared to bawl my eyes out and idc who sees
173 days ago
*sobbing*

I just read those two comments from you again Marcus

WHYYYYYYYYY TwT

*so emotional*
183 days ago
@roro

thank you!
183 days ago
@rockposion

*cries*
183 days ago
wow i like it
183 days ago
you are the main #1 reason i'm alive
if your weren't here to take all the pain away i would be in my garage with a chair and some rope
you mean SO much to me i mean...you changed my life!
and nothing lives forever so if i do leave don't take it out on yourself
your anything i could ever ask for
please know i would never see someone else and be like 💝 imma cheat on her
because i've felt that pain before
not like you of course
and i've never had anyone like you your sweet,loving,cute,and everything in between
183 days ago
you know i would never throw you away babe
im not like those other boys
im different and i love you with all my heart don't you ever doubt that
i would give anything for you even my own life
i love you angel remember that and i will never let you go
i don't deserve a queen like you
i gotta be the luckiest man alive to have someone like you
i mean.....your so much better than me
love you my star
183 days ago
*choking back tears*

why does this hurt me so baaaad

*crying*
184 days ago
@Luna

I'm sowwy *kawaii apologizing*
184 days ago
This took up 6 pages of my notebook
184 days ago
this- just hit-

i know im your firnd and i know most of this
but this hurt more.