The Story... Of Lapsit!

Once upon a time, in 1920, there was a 20 year old girl named Lapsit. She loved bread, and ate it every day, so it makes sense that one day Lapsit was meandering along to the BusyBody General store.
She walked into the store and said, "One bag of flour, one can of baking soda, and six cans of beans!"
The store keeper was startled at the sudden outburst, but plopped the bag of flour on the counter. As he was getting the other items, Lapsit noticed a girl walk into a store.
Her name was Yvonne, and she had the most beautiful hair in the world. It was as long as a thoroughbred's legs, and as soft as a Morgan's coat.
Lapsit walked up to Yvonne. "Gimme that hair!" she screamed. "Chop that raggedy thing off!" she said taking out a pair of sewing scissors from her bag.
Yvonne screamed and tried to run away, but it was too late. Lapsit had cut off Yvonne's hair.
Lapsit snatched her groceries and went home to put the hair in a bag. She would have it for dinner one night.

But then, she looked at the hair. It was too beautiful to eat. So she attached it to her own weird hair and went back into town.
She walked into the dressmaker's shop. There was a rack of beautiful dresses to Lapsit's right.
Lapsit began leafing through the colorful dresses and chose a fancy red one. She grinned.: D
"This one!" Lapsit yelled. She looked at the price tag.
Four dollars and 26 cents. Lapsit flung the money at the dressmaker and rushed out of the store.
After she had put it on she went into the OLD WESTERN SALOON.

"DO YA LIKE MY DRESS!" she yelled at a man in a brown cowboy hat.

"No."he replied.

"NO. SAY YES!"

"Sure."

"NO. SAY YES!"

"Yeah."

"NO. SAY YES!"

"Yes."

"NO SAY YE- alright." she finally said. "Marry me!"

"No."

When Lapsit heard that she set the saloon on fire. The man's hair caught on fire, and when he dunked his head in a barrel of water his pants caught on fire too.

To Be Continued

Continued From Chapter 1

The man finally scrambled outside and jumped in the lake. But he had forgotten that there were snapping turtles in the lake!

He was snapped at. He was helped out of the lake and hurried to his house by one of his friends.
And there was Lapsit with a snapping turtle on her head.
A police came and dragged her to jail.

She was bald too.

Lapsit was in jail for a long time. Her hair began to grow back, but the right side was longer than the left.
One day a man came by, saw her, and got her out of jail. She went home to her now dusty house.
A few days later she gets a phone call.
"WHO IS THIS?" she screams.
"Um... circus." a man's voice said.
"OH!"
"Do you want to be in the circus?"
"YEAH!" Lapsit hung up and danced around.
"Maybe I can be one of the trapeze acrobats!" she said aloud.

Lapsit ran to the circus grounds and began training.
Her trainer was a chubby man named Bubby.
Lapsit's hand were weird, and Bubby asked why.
"I DON"T KNOW!" she yelled. She was mad because she was NOT going to be an acrobat. She would be a clown.
The trainer never asked again, and she spent days stretching.
After one month of training, she performed. She was the MOST laughed at clown at the circus!

She was sad at being laughed at. She thought of herself as gorgeous! She quit the circus after a poor performance on her second time in the ring.
One day she decided to get married. So she went into town asking every man to marry her.

Finally, a weird guy said yes. They got hitched and went home.
"Can I make you into dough?" she asked.
"You're CRAZY!" her new husband said.
"DOUGH, DOUGH!" she yelled and put him into a machine.
He screamed and jumped out, dashing out of the door, never to be seen again.

Lapsit cried and cried.
"I want to get married!"

One day, as a birthday present, she received a dog.
He was a big collie, loyal and sweet. She loved the dog and no longer wanted to get married. (and she never did)