Bald Potato and the Morons

In a faraway land, just off the coast of California Bay, was Lala Land. Home of the weird and less fortunate, some would say. This is the hometown of Dan Reed, a bald potato who, as a potato, had no brain. Dan grew up with little understanding of the world around him, and was unsure of how to survive when he was turned down for all jobs available. Dan was just a lost and desperately lonely potato, and was in need of money. He lived with his mom for several years, eating meatloaf in the basement. Dan was extremely fond of film, however, and its ability to deceive.

Ten years later, Dan Reed the potato was very much in need of money- just as he had been before. He was old, ugly, mean, simple-minded... who in their right mind would hire some bald potato like this? I wouldn't. Anyway, Dan had grown very fond of deceit and lies (and meatloaf). There was something about documentaries that had such an ability to motivate anyone from tears, to laughter, to belief, to offense... it was unlike anything else in the film industry. Dan had a growing desire to be a part of lies...

In 2019, two morons by the name of Wade Robson and "Jimmy" James Safechuck had a "story" to tell. This was a HUGE opportunity for a lesser fortunate potato! "Michael Jackson is my idol and he is my everything!" Wade said, "But I need to use every ounce of our relationship now that he's dead." Dan wrote this down as quickly as he could. "Yes! And let's say... oh... He 'abused' us," Jimmy joined in. By golly, was this an opportunity! Dan was fully aware that these men were lying, but he knew documentaries’ ability to move people to belief or tears. "You men have just saved my career!" The bald potato cried.

In 2019, the bald potato had an excellent idea to air his new documentary, "Leaving Neverland", on HBO bad Sundance. 'Everyone could see this!' the potato told himself. He was right. He was pinpoint correct. "Leaving Neverland" moved the world to tears and, just as he intended, deceit. "MAWHAWHAWHAW! My creation is taking over the world! Everyone hates Michael Jackson, even my mom! Thank you James, thank you Wade! I'm finally rich! And it's all thanks to sweet little lies... sweet, sweet lies," Dan cackled. Suddenly, Wade Robson burst through the door. "DAN! DAN! I HAVE NEWS!" He yelled. "You're just in time!" The potato replied back. Wade stopped his running, bent over, and gathered his breath. "Oprah believes us! She wants to interview Jimmy and I!" The potato screamed like a 4 year old girl and flopped his fat potato-self onto the floor. "YAS! YAS QUEEN! I AM UNSTOPPABLE!" Dan shouted.

This is the true story of "Leaving Neverland" behind the scenes. The Bald Potato, or Dan Reed, lived happily ever after in his riches. Same thing happened to Jimmy and Wade. And they lived happily ever after, just off the coast of California Bay.