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Scattered Sorrow

6 Chapter - 781 Words - Developed by:
- Developed on: - 562 taken- The story is completed

This story may or may not be based on something that happened in someone I know's or my own life.

    I never suspected an afternoon after camp could have such terrible news.
    "Granddad died this morning," Mom announced. And...
    Time didn't slow down.
    Nobody ran away.
    Nobody burst into tears.
    We just... put our backpacks away like usual. I heard my older sister laugh about something. Shouldn't we not laugh? I thought, shouldn't we mourn? But I knew that he would want us to keep laughing...
    I've read to many books.
    It's too soon, too strange.
    I got good news later that day.
    Maybe that's why I didn't cry.
    I was so excited.
    But it felt like I shouldn't be.
    The next night, I cried.
    It wasn't hard.
    I rarely cry hard anymore. Just streams of silent tears, except for the few squeaks sometimes.
    I don't remember crying any more than that.
    It felt wrong.
    But it's what happened.

    A poem, a preview of what's to come

    For this kind of guilt,
    There are no words.
    The kind that's built
    Upon sorrow
    And grief
    And do I look for tomorrow?

    One month later

    My dog was sick.
    Mom was bringing him to the vet, and she warned us the dog might have to be put down, so we all pet him.
    It was the last time.
    Something was wrong with his heart, and he had to be put down. I tried going to my room after I heard, but I ended up sitting with Mom instead.
    And crying.
    After a while, I went to read one of the books I'd got from my recent Barnes & Noble's trip.
    I should have cried like this about Granddad.
    I didn't see him often.
    People come before animals, so I should have cried for him.
    These are two different situations.
    What am I supposed to think...
    What am I supposed to feel...

    Is this sorrow, or sadness?
    Joy, or madness?
    Hope, or happiness?
    It's unclear
    And I'd rather be
    Anywhere but here
    So find me,
    Take me somewhere
    Without devastation
    Take me to a world
    Of excitement
    Get this stuff hurled
    Out of my mind, hint
    At it
    Just get it away
    Hint or spit
    It away

    Nobody knows this, sometimes I still feel sad. I wrote something along those lines in my diary.
    Then it was January 6th... maybe the 5th or 7th. Probably 6th. 2019.
    Now it's January 2nd. 2020.
    I should feel more sad for Granddad. Wait--am I the same amount of sad for both of them?
    I saw my dog every day.
    I saw Granddad once or twice a year.
    I was conflicted.
    What should I feel?

    A mess of scattered emotions
    Thrown on the floor
    Like a messy room with old lotions
    No order anywhere
    But conflict is
    Always there
    A mess that's conflicting
    Grief, joy, hope, despair
    A desire to sing!
    A desire to do nothing!
    A desire to do who-knows-what!
    A pile that conflicts everything
    Scattered emotions, tossed and turned
    Good and bad
    Frozen and burned
    They are everywhere
    In me
    Here and there
    Rolling, waving, sweeping
    A spinning vortex
    There to suck me in, seeing
    As it's a tornado
    Of emotions and conflicts
    Some high and low,
    High and low,
    High and low,
    High and low
    Emotions and conflicts...
    That are high and low.

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Comments (15)


257 days ago
Beautiful and poetic. Sorrow is filled within to read this. Good writing comes with mind, sweet feelings come with heart. It takes courage to be kind. and People you love to part. 💔
1234 days ago
1235 days ago
I think I would like to make a quiz about something but it'll be a couple days till I can. I will make more,tho
1237 days ago
1237 days ago
1237 days ago
More quizzes on the way. :)
1237 days ago
AddyNick, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make more fanfic/quizzes! Okay?
1239 days ago
AddyNick i have more stuff in my not included if ur interested
1240 days ago
Thanks Ravenclaw and TheFadedWalker500
1241 days ago
That's so sad... AddyNick i love your fanfic/ poems!
1243 days ago
This is very good and well written!
1243 days ago
I thought this story was deleted! Thanks guys... yes, it is my story with a few changed details
1244 days ago
This is.... So emotional.... Im crying.... No stop crying!!!!! If i cry i get a mental breakdown.... STOP
1244 days ago
Whoa this is so well written...very sad...
Is this your story? I remember you saying your dog had to be put down
1244 days ago
If this is a true story then I'm rlly sorry about all of this. Thos is very well written and amazing!!!