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Self hate

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1 Chapter - 233 Words - Developed by: - Developed on: - 1,134 taken-The story is currently being written - 2 people like it

This really hurts and I don't know what to do

    1

    It’s midnight
    I fight

    The urge to cut my skin
    It would be so easy so thin

    The knife sits in my box on my shelf
    I hate myself

    I want to hurt
    Because I’ve hurt

    Others
    Maybe that’s what I deserve

    I want to feel the same pain
    I don’t know how to explain

    Maybe if I cut
    It’ll be justified, but

    If I start it will never be
    Enough for me

    This thing I did long ago
    Haunts me deep, down low

    That’s where the self hatred
    Started

    Everything
    Is triggering

    And now I can’t go a day
    without saying I hate myself in every way









Comments (26)

autorenew

507 days ago
If you try, I hope it works for you.
507 days ago
In order to prevent myself from cutting, I shoot myself with a rubber band. It really helps. And it doesn't leave behind scarring, in which you have to hide from parents! Also, I will pray for you.
663 days ago
Ok so today (this is Christmas Eve) I had a blood sugar crash which meant I was not thinking straight. Anyways so my siblings were singing and I was annoyed (irrationally ik) and I whacked my sister with my purse that had my water bottle in it. That resulted in my mom screaming at me because I could have killed my sister and threatening to take away our tablets that we got for Christmas. That made me hate myself so much I was seriously going to cut myself (I had the blade out).
Anyways we finally figured out it was a blood sugar crash and I ate a bunch of food. That made me feel a whole lot better.
(Btw a blood sugar crash happens when the sugar in your body is off balance. For people with diabetes, their blood sugar can’t regulate on its own.
For me, it isn’t normal but it isn’t serious enough for medication. But it does cause my brain to stop working properly, nausea, headaches. If you ever hear me talking about it that’s what it is)
664 days ago
Ok...I guess I should listen to you guys cuz I’ve known u longer...
666 days ago
I only meant to put one period. Anyways, 143, you are beautiful and shouldn't listen to people who knew you for 15 seconds on some random app
666 days ago
You should delete that app or leave it, if you haven't already. Those boys were all very, very rude. And very, very incorrect..
666 days ago
Alright so something happened a couple weeks ago that I wanted to write about.
I joined a social media app called Monkey because it claimed I could meet a wide range of people, and actually make friends. Lies.
Anyways so. The major thing on the app is the fifteen second vid chat.
Every single boy who I talked to called me an ungly b****, sometimes muttering it under their breath sometimes saying it to my face.
That seriously hurt me.
I think I’ll be writing more poems about society bc I’ve just been cyberbullied. Social media so far has been a fail.
676 days ago
AddyNick 💟💗💗that made my day so much better. Thank you ☺️.
677 days ago
Don't cut yourself just because you made a few mistakes! If you didn't make mistakes, you wouldn't be a human! Also there is a quote from Fellow Earthling's fan fiction with the quotes:
"Mistakes are proof that you are trying!"
And you're not worthless and you're not stupid!
677 days ago
Thank you for all the encouragement, NHYT.
I am very tempted to cut today. I made a few mistakes and I feel horrible about myself
682 days ago
Not really my siblings together. It’s mostly just my sister. But they still do everything together even though I think my brother can tell how she is.
682 days ago
That’s where it all started. There were other serious issues but
682 days ago
Yeah...it’s good to know you guys really care
It’s just hard when I’m told by my own siblings that I’m worthless...
That I’m stupid...
When I get put down by them all the time
684 days ago
Don’t hate yourself!!!
Don’t cut yourself!!!
143, love yourself, that’s what you should do!!
693 days ago
It works temporarily for me as well. Sometimes. But im glad it helped u! ❤❤❤
693 days ago
Hey, TheQuizzyAddict, the thing that has helped me to stop hurting myself (at least temporarily) is exercise. I give myself a reason to feel good about myself and what I’m doing. This may not work for you but I hope it does.
694 days ago
Many virtual hugs to you 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
I’ll use the giveusashout.org thank you. And...well I have so many sewing needles and pins and I need to have my earrings in most of the time and all those sharp things. So if I took it all to another room it would look so weird to my parents.
694 days ago
I wish I could be there to hug you. I know that feeling where all you want at that moment is just a hug. A long meaningful hug where you can just let it all out. So here: a hug. Well a virtual one. Plz syay strong and remember that your problems matter too. Everyone's problems do. 💖💖💕💕💓💓❤❤
694 days ago
giveusashout.org
This is for basically anything. It's for self harm, suicide, bullying, whatever is worrying you.
Please don't do it. I know it's reallyyyy hard but keep your hands in your pockets. Lock all harmful things away. Or in another room. Maybe go out for a walk to me sure you are away from the sharp things in your knife. And I know this can be really tough but don't let a nightmare get the best of you. Stay strong 💜💜💜💜💜💜
694 days ago
Ok thank you for the helpline. Idk I tried an adult texting helpline but it was mostly for people who are gonna commit suicide or being seriously abused. That’s when the realization that my self harm is not as bad as what others have. Maybe that’s not true, but it’s what I feel.
I’m really trying to resist the temptation to cut. Ik that I’ll feel worse, but....I also had a nightmare about that thing I talked about in the poem. It feels like even in my sleep I want to cut.
Again, please please please don’t cut. It’s making you feel worse and it makes me so sad. 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💙💚💛🧡💝