Am I Over Him? Quiz

Sometimes you try and try and TRY to get over a guy, but you just can't, no matter what you do. It's so confusing because your head and your heart are at war! And that can keep you from seeing the truth. Take this quiz to see if you are really over him, or if you are still majorly crushing on him.

  • 1
    Do you still think about him a lot?
    Do you still think about him a lot?
  • 2
    You know he doesn't like you, but do you still spend time fantasizing about the day when he'll ask you out?
  • 3
    Do you see him a lot?

  • 4
    Do you have pictures of him hanging in your room/locker?
  • 5
    Do you still get nervous/excited when you talk to him?
  • 6
    How do you feel about him?

  • 7
    Would you change anything about yourself to get him to like you?
  • 8
    Do you still dream about him?
  • 9
    Do you talk about him with your friends?
  • 10
    Do YOU think you're over him?

Comments (109)

autorenew

4 days ago
i feel really bad for you.
i guess being in middle shool (primary for me but i live in england) i have not had as much experience as u but i can still understand how bad u must feel
12 days ago
Honestly, I was dating this guy and he was great everything I ever wanted and thought that was it. But he just changed, like I kept trying to defend him in my head implying that it might be because of school or exams. He would ghost me for days but would occasionally have the best convos with me, so I thought I drove him away and I did something wrong. When I'd talk to him about how he doesn't reply or takes days to answer me, he just that he is focusing on school and is studying. But he would be trying to start convos with one of my best friends and be active on social media and games. Like you had time to do all that however, I wasn't that significant to just get a quick "I won't be able to text today as I am busy".

But when we were close to our final high school exams, he decided he wants to end things. But didn't even word it correct to the point of me and two of my best friends were trying to understand what he was getting at, as he wasn't even sure about what he wants. He ended up telling me to decide as he knows a break just means a break up and he doesn't want that, and while I was thinking because it was a lot to take in. He texted "let's break up".

The thing that broke me the most wasn't the fact that he broke up with me, it was that he just said let's talk about this once exams are over which is in 2 months. Like What!! How does that make sense?? Once I told my friend everything she showed me messages with him and it was clear that he was really trying continuously to keep the convo going. Like using memes, recommending her to watch something as if they were in the talking stage.

It's been close to two months and he hasn't even tried to check up on me or even talk after that. I'm not sure what to do, as I'm trying to move on but like I just don't understand how he can give up on something like this so quickly. It makes me feel worthless and that I meant nothing to him. Like I see him and he is happy with his friends and not even looking at me, like we are all of the sudden strangers.
18 days ago
hey kia i feel bad for u! but dont worry im going thru WAY worse
go back to only for woman quizzes find spicy sodas link, go there and u will see my situation if anyone wants
21 days ago
hi Again
so you know how my new crush is my friends crush(see below) well it is sooo f-cking annoying cos now she is soo into him and if i even slip out that i have crush on him i will die. To make matters worse i have this minute crush on a boy BUT he has a girlfriend.
DO I HAVE THE WORST LUCK IN THE WORLD?
32 days ago
hi again.
i retook the test amd got 90percnt.
he is now like one of my closes friend and i still can not stop thinking of him.
anyway here is an updatr i have a crush on someone else but only problem is that he is my fiends crush.
37 days ago
i really liked this boy James and i have always liked him. Then one day at school he asks me who i like before telling me he likes me. i was really happy and told him i liked him back. after a week i went to my friends house and he came as well.FYI he is now a friend. we played a few games before he decided to play spin the bottle. my other friend did not want to pay so it was really only me and him paying.
we ended up kissing six times that night.
then tge holidays came and i was non stop thinking of him. first week into the school year and we had already kissed. one week before he broke up.if you can even call that a relationship. that night i cried myself to sleep but the next day i felt fine. we went on a school trip and i ended up finding out that i still liked him more than i wanted to.
now i am 80% over him
224 days ago
I live next door to this boy, lets call him jacob, and ive been crushing on him for years, and in the summer of 2019 we became really close and he was one of my boy best friends. my familly thought he liked me and so did his and i guess i thought i had a chance, the only problem was, he is 2 years older than me. we were always flirty and stuff and he would make exuses to touch me (not in a weird way). because of lockdown last year, we really drifted,we'd text now and again but only if there was a good reason. at the start of lockdown he would talk to me through the bush but he started to ignore me. when we went back to school, he was everywhere i looked. and my friend who is also his friend told him i liked him, and i texted jacob to ask if he actually did and he got really mad at me and blocked me.i cant help but think about him despite the fact im in a relationship. this all happend 8 months ago, and i cant seem to get over it.whenever he sees me he either stares ( like if hes in class and im outside because we have lunch at a different time and his class over looks the yard) or if hes walking home or to school he'll look at me multiple times. he unblcoked me as well but he didnt add me back. im so confused.
347 days ago
I know he is not gay,but when he said to me that he was bisexual,i thought i had a chance. Hopeless chance,cause he's with a girl now,and i can't stop of being jealous.but if he's happy after all...
389 days ago
To The Mom:

I'm seriously amazed by your maturity, strength and writing style. You're a gem in every possible way.
And I'm not writing this to you in the middle of the night just to make you feel better. Although I don't know you personally,what I've read here made me really appreciate you and think all the best about you. And I'm sure I'm right. Believe me.
The way you learned from your mistakes, rose up above it and are not ashamed to talk about, it's really worth all due respect. Really.
I'm really sorry you've gone trough all of that,it's terrible.
And I would say to you that things will get better, 'cause they always somehow work out if you only try and fight long enough,but you already know all of that.
Keep up and, please, don't lose yourself in the process, protect your mental health at all costs.
You did well so far. Even tho I'm a bit younger than you (you were right,you are probably the oldest person here 😅),I can confidently say you will be alright.
And you know it.

That's all. I wish you all the best in life! Hopefully you will read this one day 😅
Fighting ✊❤
390 days ago
PART 222222222222 SO YEAH I WALKED AWAY AND AT LUNCH TIME IS THIS CREEPY OR WHAT BUT JOSH KEPT ON STARING AT ME NOT GONNA LIE I FELT U COMFORTABLE . MIA EVEN POINTED IT OUT THEN I STOOD UP TO PUT MY EMPTY DRINK IN THE BIN . I COULDNT FIND THE BIN YEAH I KNOW EMBRASSING BUT WHO CARES SO YEAH THIS TEACHER TOLD ME I BIN GOT MOVED TO OUTSIDE AND THEN WHEN I WENT I OUTSIDE I FINALLY FOUND THE BIN AND THEN I TURN AROUND AND I SEE A FIGHT NOT A FIGHT MIA CAME RUNNING THE GUY IN THE FIGHT WAS HER EX AT THE TIME I THOUGHT MIA WAS GONNA STICK UP FOR HER EX BUT THEN SHE TOLD ME HE WAS FIGHTING HER CRUSH IK 😘 IS GETS EVEN WOSRE I CRUSH IS JOSH BESTFRIEND IK HOWWWWWWW THEN JOSH CAME RUNNING AND ASKED MIA WHAT WAS HAPPENING MIA TOLD HIM WHO WAS FIGHTING AND HE TRYED TO SPILT THEM APART WELL HE DID I WENT BACK INSIDE FOR SOMEONE REASON I WAS SCARED I ACCTUALLY THOUGHT SOMEONE WAS GONNA GET SEROUISLY HURT THERE WERE ALL VIOLENT VERY VIOLENT . WHERE I CAME FROM EVERYONE WAS SO SWEET THENNN HERE ITS JUST SO DIFFERNT . EVERYONE RAN OUT THE SCHOOL TO SEE THE FIGHT MIA WAS LIKE LETS GO I TOLD HER I DIDNT WANT TO GO I THINK I SAID IT A BIT TO LOUD AND I JOSH HEARD . HE TOLD US TO COME WITH HIM PEOPLE WERE SAYING THERE WERE GUNS INVOLED THAT WHEN I GOT SO SCARED I ASKED MIA IF IT WAS LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME SHE SAID NO AND IT WAS A SUPRISED TO HER TOO. JOSH TOLD ME IT WAS GONNA BE FINE AND HE WASNT GONNA LET ANYTHING HAPPENED TO ME I THINK MY HEART STOPPED BEATING MABEY HIS NOT BAD AFTER ALL. I GOT OUT MY PHONE AND STARTED DIALING MY BROTHER NUMBER JOSH SAID " WHAT ARE U DOING " AS I PUT THE PHONE TO MY EAR " CALLING FOR HELP " HE SNACKED THE PHONE OFF ME AND SAID " DIDNT I TELL WE GONNA BE FINE " I SOMETHING MIGHT GO WRONG THEN I SNACKED THE PHONE AND I DIALED MY BROTHER NUMBER I DIALED THREE TIMES THEN MIA SAID HIS PICKING UP I SHAKED MY HEAD THEN I SAID WAIT LET ME CALL JUSTINES JOSH SAID " UGH IF THERE NOT PICKING UP " PART 333333333333333333333
390 days ago
here is my story my name is emma and i have just moved school my family move alot and i moved to this school my family moves alot so yeahh . so i went to the school and i met this girl named mia and her i and became bestie ( omg mis was the best she sat with me at lunch and every lesson god bless that girl ) love u so after i met mia we did everything together . Let me just tell u some facts about me i have three siblings two older brothers named jordan and justice and and little sister me and my little sister have the same dad and they have a different dad . There dad is black is there lightskin but me a my sister are fully white. so yeah. 3 months into the school we were doing presentation and the wannabe girl and one the popular boys were going first . The presentation was about what was happening in the world for example BLM AND the muslim in china and everything. The decide to do it about slavery. By the way miss paired them up and rachel the wannabe girl did everything, So yeah she started the presentation AND GUESS WHAT SHE STATRED WITH BLACK PEOPLE WERE NEVER SLAVED 💝HHHHHHHHHH WHATT DID U JUST SAY DID I HEAR THAT CORRECT EVERYONE GASPED BUT KEPT QUIET EVEN MISS AND THAT POPULAR KID JOSH HE KNEW WHAT SHE WAS SAYING WAS WRONG BUT DID HE STOP HER NO BUT I MEAN HE HAD TWO BLACK BOYS IN HIS GROUP . I COULDNT SIT THERE ANYMORE MORE SO I STOOD UP AND SAID " BLACK PEOPLE WASNT SLAVED HUH IS THIS REASEARCH OR WHAT " THEN I LOOKED AT MISS . RACHEL WAS SHOCKED ANYONE WOULD EVEN SAY SHE WAS WRONG AND SHE SAID " HOW DO U KNOW" THEN I SAID EVERYTHING I WANTING TO SAY EVERYONE WAS SHOCKED AND WAS ALL LOOKING AT ME FOR A WHITE GIRL WHO KNEW ALL THE INFROMATION AND WAS STICKING UP FOR THE BLACK COMMUNITY. THEN ONE THE THE POPULAR MIXED BOYS STOOD UP ADN STICKED UP FOR ME AND THEN I SAT DOWN WHILE HE CARRIED ON AND AND THE END OF THE LESSON JOSH CAME UP TO ME AND SAID I SHOULD OF STOPPED RACHEL. I STARTED TO LAUGH STARICALLY I TOLD HIM WAS HE WAS APLOZING TO ME WHEN HIS FRIENDS WHERE BLACK AND HE SHOULD GO APLOZIE TO THEM (COMEEEE BACK FOR POART 2 )
390 days ago
NOT MY BEST FRIEND OF 8 YEARS DATING MY CRUSH PHEWWW IM 70% OVER HIM YEAHHHHHHHHHHH
461 days ago
Hi. I am 12 and i wanna share my story. I know I am very young, but that doesn't make my emotions or my story invalid. I met him in the 4th grade. His name was Rylan. I hated him when we met. We were in a program together called Destination Imagination and just happened to get pu in the same group. I was annoyed and angry. We became friends/enemies. He would always hit me with things, but they never hurt very much. Mostly with memory foam and our friends croissant squishy. 5th grade came along and we went back to hating eachother completely again. I was one of the popular kids and Rylan was " friends" with my guy friends. I got severly bullied by them but never told anyone. It was Halloween and I was going to go Trick or Treating with my friends. Rylan wanted to go. No one wanted him there so they came up with a plan to tell him to go to a different park then the one we were meeting at. Don't worry, we didn't go through with it. Then came November and my friend Chloe was turning 11. Me and 2 of my other friends went with her and stayed the night at a hotel November 6, 2018. We were playing kiss, marry, kill and rylan's name came up. I started having feelings for him, but I knew everyone would make fun of me so I didn't tell anyone. I signed up for technology club and just my luck, he was in the same class. We started becoming very, very close.I helped him through a breakup, but was secretly glad he was single. We were best friends. We did everything together. He struggled with his mental health a lot so I told him my struggles with it too. He asked me out over clash of clans in late january. Romantic right? No one understood our relationship because we never touched, we just sat next to eachother. He said I love you after 2 weeks of dating. I didn't know if I loved him or not so I just said okay and left. I did love him. My birthday came along in march and he bought me this beautiful necklace and earrings, but I didn't know how to accept presents from people so I ran away. The next week, he tried to give them to me and I blsuhed and slipped on ice. He laughed really hard and helped me up. I tried to play it off because I was so embarrased. We broke up a week later. I wanted to just be friends, but he decided 💋 me and he recorded it. I was so mad and didn't understand how someone could do that to anyone. It was March 20th I believe and we had indoor recess. Rylan face planted on the floor and didn't get up until lunch. I got a text from him later after school that read " I love you so much. I love the way you do not care what people thing, i love the way you make other people happy. I need you. I cannot be a stranger to you. Whether we date again or just become friends, I dont care. I just need you." We started datng again. We broke up on April 1st, and I was so sad I cried for months. I catfished old men on AFK Arena to try to egt over him. It didn't work i just got told to move to italy and we could have babies by 40 year old men lmao. I met my best friend kaitlyn in August in middle school. I started having more intense feelings for rylan, but so did she. It got to the point they wanted a 3 way. I said " HELL NO". We had a school dance october 10th, 2019 and I wanted to ask him out but I didn't. I hugged him that night. I got made fun of so much that night by people telling me i looked fat and me being jealous of my friend sara because it seemed like she liked Rylan. He would come looking for me everytime I disappeared and make me stand up and dance with him. I fell harder then I ever have before that night. October 17th me him and Kaitlyn went to my house and hung out for hours. Me and rylan hugged every 10 minutes and he layed in my lap. Kaitlyn says she was the 3rd wheel but really, i knew she wished he was laying on her. I asked him out october 27th, 2019 and he said yes. Kaitlyn got over him and started dating my friend Jordan. Me and rylan hung out all the time. In december, a few days after jordan and kaitlyn started dating rylan decided to play what are the odds. He explained to me what he was supposed to do: break up with me and then get back with me the day after. I said no. I wouldn't get back with him and he was sad for the whole day. That was on a fridy so I didnt talk to him for 3 days and then on Tuesday he apoloized and we put that behind us. All of us were so, so happy. In ferbruary, he was in lucnch detention and this reallllyyyy annoying kid named sam sat with me, kaitlyn, and jordan. Same kept trying to touch my b**b and I was repulsed. Rylan came and sat with us in the last few minutes of luch and I begged jordan not to tell him what happened. Rylan was obviously angry, and as we were going up the stairs for 4th period, he slapped sam so hard it you could hear it upstairs. He had a big welt on his face and during 5th period I got called to the office. I was so scared I was gonna be in trouble for this. I was in there for almost 2 hours and rylan got in school suspension for 3 days and sam got nothing. The day before valntines day rylan pciked me u after school, and me him jordan and kaitlyn went to juice stop for a double date. I kissed him on the cheek twice. Jordan got suspended the next day for shoving a kid in a locker because kaitlyn had a dream about him. A few weeks later on february 24th kaitlyn and i went to pick up rylan so he culd tell us where jordan lived so kaitlyn could drop off his vday present. I kissed rylan on the lips that night. 5 days before my birthday on march 5th, me and rylan were hanging out at my house when we started to makeout and touch. A LOT my mom walked in and it was really awkward. Quarantine started in my state a week later and the last thing we did together was kiss and hug and kaitlyn dared me to make him h*rd. He went to his dads house 3 hours away and started to ignore me. Again. And Again. And again. He blamed it on me asking stupid questions. Then he blamed it on me cu*ting myself. I confronted him so many times of my feelings and he dismissed them everytime and and made empty promises. I grew tired of it and though I loved him with every fiber of my being, I had to let him go. I told him if he keeps acting like he doesnt care, I will leave. I told him I still cared immensly for him and i loved him. He told me to 💋 off and go date kaitlyn. Her and jordan broke up a few months before because he was degrading her. I was astonished that he said that to me and cried for hours. He sent me a message that kinda sounded like a su**ide note and I sent it to his mom to check on him. He is still alive thank god. We broke up July 8th, 2020 almost to our 9 month mark. I am still so sad and i cry all the time and think about him, but he ignores me. Always. It is now August 27th, 2020. I love you rylan. I wish you would talk to me but its alright. Girls, please be sure to leave a toxic relationship because I promise, it will break you more then itll hurt them. Stay safe
547 days ago
Oh the mom
I'm so sorry for what you had to go through, I really don't know what else to say. I hope things get better for you, and I'm sure Nathan would want you to keep your head up and push through
560 days ago
To [StrangerThings]; Greetings, I thank you for your advice and I wish you the best in life. What I went through was not something a teenager should go through, but that does not make your problems insignificant. I've tried to stay strong, and look forward to what life has planned for me. I am a true believer that our experiences shape our strength, and although tragic—my experience has prepared me for the future. I appreciate your praise regarding my writing style, I myself thought it was too long and people would become too bored to read it. In conclusion, I hope that you are doing okay, and if you ever need anything you can comment on your concerns here or reach out to me on my Instagram. @minn.szn Although I am not here for everyone, I am here for anyone. With blessings and love, TheMom at your service. :)
561 days ago
To TheMom: Hi, I am in 8th grade. I wrote out a long heartfelt note to you, but it got deleted because my internet went out. You might not ever see this, but basically what I said in my now deleted note was that you should stay strong and that I feel for you. Please keep Nathan’s memory alive. I may be one of the only people who see this but I am there for you and though I am young, I understand your pain and Suffering. In isolation, you could work towards loving your life again and it could pose as an intervention period. My troubles seem so insignificant now compared to yours, and your storytelling makes me want to read more. Nourish your talents and I hope that you read this someday.
562 days ago
Okay, hello to you all. I believe I am the oldest on here, so far. The reason for this? I'm a Junior in high school (I'm 17). I know taking this test is harshly elementary and so very immature, but I needed to put some sort of front within my mind and my heart. I come here not to blab and complain about my love life, but rather to share and help other girls who are going through something similar. I read through this page before writing this, that I will admit, but what I read came from so many different people who had been hurt in so many different ways. I will briefly tell you all about the relationship that brought me here.

It began in the Fall of 2018. I was naive and young, 15 at the time, and I was best friends with two guys. Their names were Nathan and Khalil. Nathan was white, and Khalil was black, I'm Hispanic. We became best friends in a weird way, it happened in elementary school when we had the same pokemon cards. Since then, we've stuck at the hip and we survived middle school together. When freshman year started, Khalil started dating a girl in his class named Jessica, and it was new to Nathan and I. We weren't used to having Khalil ditch our movie night to go to his girlfriend's house. We weren't used to being given so little attention. Due to Khalil slowly drifting away from us, Nathan and I grew closer. We would go to the mall together, go to concerts together, eat lunch and skip class together, we were the perfect set of best friends. Then one Friday night, Nathan threw his first party and he invited me. It was my first high school party and as a naive teenager, I put on the tightest dress I owned and seductive makeup. At the party, Nathan offered me a drink. I'd never had alcohol, but something about the buzz in that party made me take the cup from his hand and swallow its contents in one gulp.

A lot of things happened at that party that I wish had never happened. Nathan and I downed too much Jameson and not enough Coke. We were both underage, drunk, and sitting at a table in his den. We watched people dance on his pool table, and he asked if I wanted to join them. "🍦 no," I said. He downed another drink and laughed. In the den, Nathan and I exchanged embarrassing stories, we laughed over jokes I don't remember. We vented, we listened, we felt better, we cared. We snuck touches towards each other, first on the arm, on the face, and then, somehow, we ended up upstairs; no longer in the den.

I remember being in his room, cradling his head between my chest and telling him to call me pretty. "You don't want to be pretty, Jaq.” “Why, not?” “Pretty is attractiveness without beauty.” “Then what am I, Nathan?” “You’re beautiful Jaqueline. All at once, you’re beautiful, but you’re not perfect.”

That night I tangled myself through the sheets in Nathan's bed, naked, his own skin touching and becoming one with mine. That night I lost my virginity. It felt drunken at first, then real. He tugged at my body, fumbled at my hair. I locked my lips with his that night and made him please my own selfish needs. The next morning I woke up and saw him staring through me with empty green eyes. He wasn't looking at me, it was like I was a wall and I was too dull to be noticed. He stared for a second before blinking and pulling me close, whispering "Goodmorning beautiful." sweetly into my ear.

He asked me to be his girlfriend after that and I agreed. I entered a relationship as Winter became Spring, and the dates I went on with him weren't so cold. He still talked to Khalil, meanwhile, I hadn't even checked his Instagram. Every morning Nathan would bring me a venti vanilla latte, and I would bring him his favorite sandwich from Panera. Every morning Jordan and Emily would gawk and squeal over how cute we were, and every morning after handing me my coffee he would lean in and ask; "Do I have to bring you coffee every day?" "No, you don't," I would answer. Still, the next morning we would exchange a sandwich and a latte.

Spring became Summer, and Nathan got his first car. Khalil had cut us off, too busy posting pictures with his girlfriend instead of talking to his childhood friends. Nathan and I didn't care, we were happy with each other. One day, Khalil called me and I didn't answer. Right after, I saw Nathan's phone light up with an incoming call from Khalil. We answered and that afternoon we canceled our date and rushed over to Khalil's house. Jessica had broken up with him, and although he had sobbed over the phone when we showed up at his house he acted cold and careless.

Something had shifted with Khalil during those 45 minutes we were in the car on our way to his house. He had been broken, and we weren't the same. Khalil wasn't the only one who changed, when we arrived at his house Nathan took him upstairs to have a man to man talk with him. When my boyfriend came back down that afternoon, he wasn't the same boyfriend I had known. As Summer neared its end, and the beginning of another school year dwelled on us, Nathan and I stopped seeing each other as much. We would make plans but always cancel them. We would call but never talk. We would exchange a series of dry texts for what seemed like years. He stopped calling my mom to check up on me, and I stopped hanging out with his sisters as much. Towards the end of that Summer, we avoided each other's existence.

Our sophomore year began and so did Autumn, and when I walked into class and saw a familiar blonde sitting in a chair; I knew there was no more avoiding. Nathan looked at me that day, and for a moment I thought he saw me for who I was—a girl, nervous and possibly in love. I sat beside him and the entire class he took notes, stared ahead, and didn't speak a single word to me. I eyed his behavior, his hair, his body that I missed so much. He was tense—but why? I couldn't shake off the feeling that I had done something wrong. When class ended I choked down my anxiety and spoke to him. He looked at me, and walked away, not replying to my "Hey."

Eventually, school dragged on and I was mouthing down 5 AP classes like they were candy, acing each exam, and surviving every midterm. Winter came and I hadn't tried to talk to either Nathan or Khalil. Still, thoughts of Nathan clung to me—like humidity. I began to yearn for Nathan, missing the latte's he would bring and hoarding a sandwich from Panera in case one day—he would come back with a venti brown cup in his hand. As I dawned over our relationship, I realized we gave each other everything the other wanted, without considering what we actually needed.

(continued in next page. page no.1)
562 days ago
Winter egged me on that year, and I miserably passed all of my classes, and I was craving for my second semester to come. My wishes were granted and the school's first semester ended. This meant new classes, new schedules, new lunches a new year, new people. No more staring holes through Nathans's head during AP Bio. A new semester called for a new me. That motivation died down when I walked into class and saw a familiar curly head laughing with a group fo guys. Khalil was in my class that semester, and I remember rushing by with my hair covering my face so I would not be recognized.

Yet the universe mocked me, and Khalil grabbed my arm before I could skid past him. "Hey Jaq, it's been a while huh? I see you're in AP English with me? Still a big head." He patted down my hair and cupped his hand around my cheek. I forced a smile and a laugh, holding my books tight against my chest and trying to sound casual. "Yeah, new semester new classes right? I can't avoid AP with this big head of mine." Khalil smiled and he told jokes I can't remember. Before letting me go, though, he invited me to a party he was having that weekend. I remember feeling confused and fuzzy after our interaction, had Khalil changed?

Foolishly, I stilled showed up at the party that weekend—in a dress hugging my new developed curves and a face touched with light alluring makeup. Khalil wasn't like Nathan, who threw his parties in his den, Khalil converted his entire house into an underground rave. Of course, for a guy who lives in a $3000 mansion, this party was nothing to him.

I was greeted by him, his arms snaking around my hips and the rim of a cup being brushed against my lips. The drink he'd made smelt bitter, but I downed it down and felt a familiar sting at the bottom of my throat. I thanked him and he thanked me for coming. I found a group of girls in a corner, and I neared them with precautious steps. After hours of talking and laughing with the girls, my head was pounding with loud music and my cheeks were flushed from the alcohol. The party had died down and people slept on tables and couches, vomit staining a wall and girls carrying their drunken friends out the door. I made my way upstairs and led myself into a room I'd been in before. Immediately, I recognized the Anime posters and the Marvel action figures. I looked at the bed and saw Khalil.

He was laying down on his bed, already asleep, snoring, his chest shaking with every breath. I felt like a stalker, invading his privacy, but I walked towards him and lay my body down beside him. I placed my head on his chest and listened to the struggle between his diaphragm and lungs. His breathing sounded like an old car shaking, with not enough gas. I was wide-awake ina state between drunk and sober, and I was listening. I didn't know why I was there, I didn't know why I was hugging him and tracing lines across his muscled chest. His hand grabbed mine, and for a moment I tensed up. He relaxed again, sleeping again, but this time his fingers wove through mine. He squeezed my hand, and I fell into the warmth of his chest and the sound of his rattled breathing. At some point, his breaths drew loose. The struggle was over his chest rose and fell steady breathing like a normal person.

The next morning, silence lingered in Khalil's room. I listened for sounds of life, but the house was empty except for Khalil and me. Khalil slept, and I untangled myself from the sheets. I picked my clothes off the floor, clothes that landed there after Jordan awoke in the early dawn, and found me clinging to him. I awoke too and we held each other fiercely, we cried and wanted so badly to feel. We had😘that dawn and when we did— everything that was right and wrong flew over my head. Doing this with him felt right, Khalil felt right.

Now, I wasn't so sure, I slipped my wrinkled dress over my head, I closed the lacy bra across my chest, I pulled my tangled hair into a ponytail, and I placed a tender kiss on Khalil's forehead before grabbing my heels and walking out. The Johnsons' house was just as I remembered, empty, lifeless, and soundless. There were hints of a family here and there, but when I walked out; Khalil would still wake up alone with no parents to deliver their good mornings.

Spring rolled in and my birthday passed, I was 16 now and soon my sophomore year would end the pressures of ACT testing would be introduced. Khalil and I hadn't spoken over what happened that dawn after his party. We both avoided the party altogether, cracking jokes during Engish and laughing as if we were good childhood friends and nothing else.

Sometime before the end of the school year, Khalil texted me with three words. "I need you." I didn't know what it meant, but thoughts of Nathan had poisoned my head so much to a point where I needed Khalil too. I drove over to his house and adjusted the tank top I was wearing. I was wearing a good bra, the good lacy kind. That afternoon Khalil and I used our bodies to distress one another. We laughed, we let go of everything stressful that was happening and just enjoyed each other. Somewhere in between those waves of lust, we didn't hear Nathan's car pull into the driveway. We didn't hear the door being pushed open, we didn't hear heavy footsteps stepping up the stairs, we only saw the shock that raged over Nathan's face when he opened Khalil's door.

Khalil cursed and I jumped off of him, tugging his sheets around my bare chest and staring straight into Nathan's eyes. Nathan looked at me, his cold green eyes saddening before he looked at Khalil. "Hey man, you ready for the game?" Khalil laughed and slipped a shirt over his bare chest. "Hell yeah." I watched Khalil grab his phone and turn around to deliver a cocky grin. "You know your way out, don't you Jaq?" Then they left, leaving me naked and alone inside a room that wasn't mine. Nathan had just walked in one me cheating on him with his best friend, but he still walked out as if nothing happened? Out of pure confusion, I cried and buried my face into my hands. I cried, naked and alone on Khalil's bed that afternoon.

(continued on next page. page no.2)
562 days ago
Spring ended and school was approaching its own end soon. I hadn't been myself at school ever since my situation with Khalil and Nathan over the Spring. I raised my hand in all my classes, I avoided Khalil's looks and stares, I would turn around whenever I saw Nathan walking near me, I wore pants and loose shirts, I stayed quiet and kept to myself, but I still raised my hand in all my classes. When I got my scores handed back, I wasn't fazed to see perfect numbers in all my finals. The bell rang for the last time that day and I walked out, happy that my sophomore year had finally ended and I could use this summer to reinvent myself. On my way to my car, a hand stopped me, a hand wrapped around my wrist too tightly for my liking. I turned around and my breath hitched. "Nathan."

The blonde boy I'd once called my boyfriend huffed and let go of my wrist. "Hey, Jaq." I hesitated, but I remained composed as I turned to face him. "What's up?" Nathan ran his hand through his shaggy hair, his soft hair that I would dawn over because it was perfect in its own messy way. "I came by to tell you that we're not really working out. I should've done this 8 months ago Jaq, but we gotta break up." I was surprised. He still thought we were in a relationship, after all this time? After walking in on his 'girlfriend' lying in bed with his own best friend, I was still his girlfriend? I remember blinking and nodding shakily. "Um yeah okay, that's fine." Nathan smiled at me for the first time in months, and everything I'd done with Khalil became instant regret after seeing him smile. "Okay good, because I'm tr-" Before he could finish his sentence, I wrapped my arms around him.

"I'm sorry, Nathan." Nathan's arm wrapped around me too, and my body melted in his arms. Oh how long I wanted to held by him, how long I'd been wanting his hand running down my back. As I was getting high from one of his hugs, Nathan pulled away and I dropped my arms. I looked up, staring into his green eyes. I still felt dizzy from his hug, everything I missed about him had hit every one of my senses and I was lost in a buzz. "As I was saying, I'm transferring to Olympic, so you won't see me here next year."

The buzz was gone and my mind went blank. I didn't think that was going to happen. Nathan, my Nathan, was transferring. I looked at him, desperately. I searched for words I did not have, and before I could say anything Nathan had shrugged and walked away. "Nathan!" He turned around, blinking once then blinking again with wider eyes to show that he was listening.

"Tell me that I'm pretty." Nathan laughed an earthy laugh and turned around. "You already know you're pretty Jaq, you always have." His answer was different from the one he'd given me when we had our first night together, and after hearing his response my heart tore into a million pieces. Summer dragged along, and I only grew more poisoned with thoughts of Nathan. I suddenly craved him more, his touch, his stare, his presence. I found myself standing in Khalil's room more often in order to fill that knawing void. Khalil didn't mind, he got what he wanted and so did I.

When Junior year started, I egged myself on with another bunch of AP classes, but something was different. As I walked down the halls, Junior boys would star and lower their voices, Junior girls would stop talking and whisper to one another, even teachers stopped checking off their attendance and would give me a judging side-eye I knew far too well.

One afternoon, I became sick of being stared at, so I showed up at Khalil's door again. "Why're you here?" Khalil asked, and whatever we had when we were locked his room—two hearts poured over with alcohol and emotions that had been betrayed—was nowhere to be found. "You're his best friend." "You were his girlfriend." "That's not how best friends are supposed to act." Khalil laughed and shook his hair. He said nothing for a moment. "Nothing is ever supposed to happen. Things just happened," He said. "Was that all it was to you?" "You tell me." "You're infuriating." "You're a 👮." We exchanged harsh words before I stormed back to my car. I remember getting into the driver's seat and yelling at him over the window. He yelled back and I sped away, tires screeching across the gray pavement.

Winter had to come and when it did the whispers around me silenced, they instead rose over a new story of drama, and my story was forgotten. Still, I would find a group of Junior girls whispering and pointing behind my back every so often. I was known as the girl who cheated on her charitable handsome boyfriend with his best friend. My junior year couldn't have been any more fantastic. Earlier this spring, when the school's second semester started and with the new year came a new relief, I found the voices around me the quietest. I didn't bother to make friends, I was fine all by myself, but when I closed my locker and saw a familiar blond head bobbing down the hall I needed a friend to hold me from falling over my own kneecaps. It was Nathan, he was here, but why?

The blonde boy caught me staring and he stiffened a smile, walking towards me and greeting me. "Hey, it's good to see you." He shrugged and drilled holed through my forehead, his eyes looking as piercing as ever with the new spring season. "I transferred back, I missed this place." I nodded and looked around, taking in our school's red and gold colors. "Yeah, I don't see why you would miss a place like this." He laughed and shook his head, moving his shaggy hair away from his eyes. "I guess I just missed someone. My best friend, Khalil, you know?" I bit my lip and nodded bitterly, not knowing why I'd hoped he'd say he missed me. The bell rang and we went our separate ways. Since then, we didn't talk. We went into this quarantine, and still no Nathan nor Khalil.

(continued on the next page. page no.3)
562 days ago
Then, on April 17th, I got a text from Nathan. "I need you here with me." My eyes watered but the tears stopped when another message came in. "It's Khalil." I choked down my tears and texted him back, saying all the things I wanted to say to Nathan. "I miss you." "I want you." I need you." I'm sorry." "I love you." Khalil disregarded every text I sent, he only sent one text and that was all it took to break my heart. "Look at the news." I checked Safari and sure enough, they'd found a 17-year-old boy, dead and bloody in the middle of the road. My eyes choked with tears, my throat clogging up with my own saliva, there was a ringing in my ear and everything when white for a second. On my screen, I saw Nathan, my Nathan, his smiling face shown in the corner of the screen with a black tarp covering his body. I let my sobs come out and I wailed into my pillow. That day was the most depressing day, I cried and sobbed and hiccuped more tears and bitter sadness. Nathan was dead, my Nathan was dead.

It's May now, and even though I know he's dead, I still think about him. I still selfishly want him back. I want to go back in time and stop myself from going to Khalil's party. I want him back. I want Nathan to be here with me. Attending his funeral wasn't easy, not with this quarantine. Seeing his cold face, pale and still while cushioned with fine rich bedding hurt every part of my heart. I wrote essay after essay. I passed my finals. Nathan still died. I got accepted into college classes. I made my parents proud. But who the 🍦 cares? Nathan still died.

I apologize for entering an emotional trance in the paragraph prior to this. Writing about this is not easy. However, that is how my story ends. I did wrong, I was wrong, but that does not justify what I did. I advise any girl out there, to have dignity. I advise any girl out there to put themselves first but not be selfish. I advise every girl, to be respectful and knowledgable about their actions. In response to some questions I saw, this leads me to my final paragraph.

To [bipolar ugh]; You are enough, love. No matter who, or what you're thinking about, you are enough. You are enough for this world, and you are enough because you are you and that's enough. As for what do guys want? That's a hard question. All guys are not the same, but in a way, they're all strung out to be the same. I suppose a thing any guy would want, would be authenticity. Be your truest self and the right guy will find you and appreciate you for that. Be the best you can be, and there will always be a wonderful guy waiting to remind you of how important you are.

To [Hopeless LOVE]; My advice to you, is to give it time. You shouldn't try over a guy who constantly rejects you. Whether he's good or bad, or perfect, if he's pushing you away because your actions are unwanted then the right thing to do is to respect that. Even if he feels the same for you, guys change, people change, but one thing that does not change is our needs and wants. If he wants you, then he wants you, but if he really needs you, he wouldn't let you slip through his fingers this easily. It is always better to be with someone you need, instead of someone you want. So, in conclusion, my advice to you is to give it time and let him has his space. If he shows no signs of wanting to gain you back, he simply wasn't worth it and you should move on. There will be other guys, my dear, so do not dwell on one too long.

To [ImmaClown]; My advice to you is to let go. Your relationship with him sounds strong and passionate, but it is not sturdy and stable. I can tell he's hurt you a lot and no man deserves a woman after she has shed so many tears over him. So let him go, hun, he's not worth your time. If he constantly uses you and only comes back to you like you're his rented property, he is not worth it. So let him go, and find someone who will see the dedicated and strong girl you are.

(end of the final page. page no.4)