Am I Over Him? Quiz

Sometimes you try and try and TRY to get over a guy, but you just can't, no matter what you do. It's so confusing because your head and your heart are at war! And that can keep you from seeing the truth. Take this quiz to see if you are really over him, or if you are still majorly crushing on him.

  • 1
    Do you still think about him a lot?
    Do you still think about him a lot?
  • 2
    You know he doesn't like you, but do you still spend time fantasizing about the day when he'll ask you out?
  • 3
    Do you see him a lot?

  • 4
    Do you have pictures of him hanging in your room/locker?
  • 5
    Do you still get nervous/excited when you talk to him?
  • 6
    How do you feel about him?

  • 7
    Would you change anything about yourself to get him to like you?
  • 8
    Do you still dream about him?
  • 9
    Do you talk about him with your friends?
  • 10
    Do YOU think you're over him?

Comments (103)


182 days ago
I live next door to this boy, lets call him jacob, and ive been crushing on him for years, and in the summer of 2019 we became really close and he was one of my boy best friends. my familly thought he liked me and so did his and i guess i thought i had a chance, the only problem was, he is 2 years older than me. we were always flirty and stuff and he would make exuses to touch me (not in a weird way). because of lockdown last year, we really drifted,we'd text now and again but only if there was a good reason. at the start of lockdown he would talk to me through the bush but he started to ignore me. when we went back to school, he was everywhere i looked. and my friend who is also his friend told him i liked him, and i texted jacob to ask if he actually did and he got really mad at me and blocked me.i cant help but think about him despite the fact im in a relationship. this all happend 8 months ago, and i cant seem to get over it.whenever he sees me he either stares ( like if hes in class and im outside because we have lunch at a different time and his class over looks the yard) or if hes walking home or to school he'll look at me multiple times. he unblcoked me as well but he didnt add me back. im so confused.
305 days ago
I know he is not gay,but when he said to me that he was bisexual,i thought i had a chance. Hopeless chance,cause he's with a girl now,and i can't stop of being jealous.but if he's happy after all...
347 days ago
To The Mom:

I'm seriously amazed by your maturity, strength and writing style. You're a gem in every possible way.
And I'm not writing this to you in the middle of the night just to make you feel better. Although I don't know you personally,what I've read here made me really appreciate you and think all the best about you. And I'm sure I'm right. Believe me.
The way you learned from your mistakes, rose up above it and are not ashamed to talk about, it's really worth all due respect. Really.
I'm really sorry you've gone trough all of that,it's terrible.
And I would say to you that things will get better, 'cause they always somehow work out if you only try and fight long enough,but you already know all of that.
Keep up and, please, don't lose yourself in the process, protect your mental health at all costs.
You did well so far. Even tho I'm a bit younger than you (you were right,you are probably the oldest person here 😅),I can confidently say you will be alright.
And you know it.

That's all. I wish you all the best in life! Hopefully you will read this one day 😅
Fighting ✊❤
347 days ago
347 days ago
here is my story my name is emma and i have just moved school my family move alot and i moved to this school my family moves alot so yeahh . so i went to the school and i met this girl named mia and her i and became bestie ( omg mis was the best she sat with me at lunch and every lesson god bless that girl ) love u so after i met mia we did everything together . Let me just tell u some facts about me i have three siblings two older brothers named jordan and justice and and little sister me and my little sister have the same dad and they have a different dad . There dad is black is there lightskin but me a my sister are fully white. so yeah. 3 months into the school we were doing presentation and the wannabe girl and one the popular boys were going first . The presentation was about what was happening in the world for example BLM AND the muslim in china and everything. The decide to do it about slavery. By the way miss paired them up and rachel the wannabe girl did everything, So yeah she started the presentation AND GUESS WHAT SHE STATRED WITH BLACK PEOPLE WERE NEVER SLAVED 💝HHHHHHHHHH WHATT DID U JUST SAY DID I HEAR THAT CORRECT EVERYONE GASPED BUT KEPT QUIET EVEN MISS AND THAT POPULAR KID JOSH HE KNEW WHAT SHE WAS SAYING WAS WRONG BUT DID HE STOP HER NO BUT I MEAN HE HAD TWO BLACK BOYS IN HIS GROUP . I COULDNT SIT THERE ANYMORE MORE SO I STOOD UP AND SAID " BLACK PEOPLE WASNT SLAVED HUH IS THIS REASEARCH OR WHAT " THEN I LOOKED AT MISS . RACHEL WAS SHOCKED ANYONE WOULD EVEN SAY SHE WAS WRONG AND SHE SAID " HOW DO U KNOW" THEN I SAID EVERYTHING I WANTING TO SAY EVERYONE WAS SHOCKED AND WAS ALL LOOKING AT ME FOR A WHITE GIRL WHO KNEW ALL THE INFROMATION AND WAS STICKING UP FOR THE BLACK COMMUNITY. THEN ONE THE THE POPULAR MIXED BOYS STOOD UP ADN STICKED UP FOR ME AND THEN I SAT DOWN WHILE HE CARRIED ON AND AND THE END OF THE LESSON JOSH CAME UP TO ME AND SAID I SHOULD OF STOPPED RACHEL. I STARTED TO LAUGH STARICALLY I TOLD HIM WAS HE WAS APLOZING TO ME WHEN HIS FRIENDS WHERE BLACK AND HE SHOULD GO APLOZIE TO THEM (COMEEEE BACK FOR POART 2 )
347 days ago
419 days ago
Hi. I am 12 and i wanna share my story. I know I am very young, but that doesn't make my emotions or my story invalid. I met him in the 4th grade. His name was Rylan. I hated him when we met. We were in a program together called Destination Imagination and just happened to get pu in the same group. I was annoyed and angry. We became friends/enemies. He would always hit me with things, but they never hurt very much. Mostly with memory foam and our friends croissant squishy. 5th grade came along and we went back to hating eachother completely again. I was one of the popular kids and Rylan was " friends" with my guy friends. I got severly bullied by them but never told anyone. It was Halloween and I was going to go Trick or Treating with my friends. Rylan wanted to go. No one wanted him there so they came up with a plan to tell him to go to a different park then the one we were meeting at. Don't worry, we didn't go through with it. Then came November and my friend Chloe was turning 11. Me and 2 of my other friends went with her and stayed the night at a hotel November 6, 2018. We were playing kiss, marry, kill and rylan's name came up. I started having feelings for him, but I knew everyone would make fun of me so I didn't tell anyone. I signed up for technology club and just my luck, he was in the same class. We started becoming very, very close.I helped him through a breakup, but was secretly glad he was single. We were best friends. We did everything together. He struggled with his mental health a lot so I told him my struggles with it too. He asked me out over clash of clans in late january. Romantic right? No one understood our relationship because we never touched, we just sat next to eachother. He said I love you after 2 weeks of dating. I didn't know if I loved him or not so I just said okay and left. I did love him. My birthday came along in march and he bought me this beautiful necklace and earrings, but I didn't know how to accept presents from people so I ran away. The next week, he tried to give them to me and I blsuhed and slipped on ice. He laughed really hard and helped me up. I tried to play it off because I was so embarrased. We broke up a week later. I wanted to just be friends, but he decided 🚔 me and he recorded it. I was so mad and didn't understand how someone could do that to anyone. It was March 20th I believe and we had indoor recess. Rylan face planted on the floor and didn't get up until lunch. I got a text from him later after school that read " I love you so much. I love the way you do not care what people thing, i love the way you make other people happy. I need you. I cannot be a stranger to you. Whether we date again or just become friends, I dont care. I just need you." We started datng again. We broke up on April 1st, and I was so sad I cried for months. I catfished old men on AFK Arena to try to egt over him. It didn't work i just got told to move to italy and we could have babies by 40 year old men lmao. I met my best friend kaitlyn in August in middle school. I started having more intense feelings for rylan, but so did she. It got to the point they wanted a 3 way. I said " HELL NO". We had a school dance october 10th, 2019 and I wanted to ask him out but I didn't. I hugged him that night. I got made fun of so much that night by people telling me i looked fat and me being jealous of my friend sara because it seemed like she liked Rylan. He would come looking for me everytime I disappeared and make me stand up and dance with him. I fell harder then I ever have before that night. October 17th me him and Kaitlyn went to my house and hung out for hours. Me and rylan hugged every 10 minutes and he layed in my lap. Kaitlyn says she was the 3rd wheel but really, i knew she wished he was laying on her. I asked him out october 27th, 2019 and he said yes. Kaitlyn got over him and started dating my friend Jordan. Me and rylan hung out all the time. In december, a few days after jordan and kaitlyn started dating rylan decided to play what are the odds. He explained to me what he was supposed to do: break up with me and then get back with me the day after. I said no. I wouldn't get back with him and he was sad for the whole day. That was on a fridy so I didnt talk to him for 3 days and then on Tuesday he apoloized and we put that behind us. All of us were so, so happy. In ferbruary, he was in lucnch detention and this reallllyyyy annoying kid named sam sat with me, kaitlyn, and jordan. Same kept trying to touch my b**b and I was repulsed. Rylan came and sat with us in the last few minutes of luch and I begged jordan not to tell him what happened. Rylan was obviously angry, and as we were going up the stairs for 4th period, he slapped sam so hard it you could hear it upstairs. He had a big welt on his face and during 5th period I got called to the office. I was so scared I was gonna be in trouble for this. I was in there for almost 2 hours and rylan got in school suspension for 3 days and sam got nothing. The day before valntines day rylan pciked me u after school, and me him jordan and kaitlyn went to juice stop for a double date. I kissed him on the cheek twice. Jordan got suspended the next day for shoving a kid in a locker because kaitlyn had a dream about him. A few weeks later on february 24th kaitlyn and i went to pick up rylan so he culd tell us where jordan lived so kaitlyn could drop off his vday present. I kissed rylan on the lips that night. 5 days before my birthday on march 5th, me and rylan were hanging out at my house when we started to makeout and touch. A LOT my mom walked in and it was really awkward. Quarantine started in my state a week later and the last thing we did together was kiss and hug and kaitlyn dared me to make him h*rd. He went to his dads house 3 hours away and started to ignore me. Again. And Again. And again. He blamed it on me asking stupid questions. Then he blamed it on me cu*ting myself. I confronted him so many times of my feelings and he dismissed them everytime and and made empty promises. I grew tired of it and though I loved him with every fiber of my being, I had to let him go. I told him if he keeps acting like he doesnt care, I will leave. I told him I still cared immensly for him and i loved him. He told me to 🚔 off and go date kaitlyn. Her and jordan broke up a few months before because he was degrading her. I was astonished that he said that to me and cried for hours. He sent me a message that kinda sounded like a su**ide note and I sent it to his mom to check on him. He is still alive thank god. We broke up July 8th, 2020 almost to our 9 month mark. I am still so sad and i cry all the time and think about him, but he ignores me. Always. It is now August 27th, 2020. I love you rylan. I wish you would talk to me but its alright. Girls, please be sure to leave a toxic relationship because I promise, it will break you more then itll hurt them. Stay safe
505 days ago
Oh the mom
I'm so sorry for what you had to go through, I really don't know what else to say. I hope things get better for you, and I'm sure Nathan would want you to keep your head up and push through
518 days ago
To [StrangerThings]; Greetings, I thank you for your advice and I wish you the best in life. What I went through was not something a teenager should go through, but that does not make your problems insignificant. I've tried to stay strong, and look forward to what life has planned for me. I am a true believer that our experiences shape our strength, and although tragic—my experience has prepared me for the future. I appreciate your praise regarding my writing style, I myself thought it was too long and people would become too bored to read it. In conclusion, I hope that you are doing okay, and if you ever need anything you can comment on your concerns here or reach out to me on my Instagram. @minn.szn Although I am not here for everyone, I am here for anyone. With blessings and love, TheMom at your service. :)
518 days ago
To TheMom: Hi, I am in 8th grade. I wrote out a long heartfelt note to you, but it got deleted because my internet went out. You might not ever see this, but basically what I said in my now deleted note was that you should stay strong and that I feel for you. Please keep Nathan’s memory alive. I may be one of the only people who see this but I am there for you and though I am young, I understand your pain and Suffering. In isolation, you could work towards loving your life again and it could pose as an intervention period. My troubles seem so insignificant now compared to yours, and your storytelling makes me want to read more. Nourish your talents and I hope that you read this someday.
519 days ago
Okay, hello to you all. I believe I am the oldest on here, so far. The reason for this? I'm a Junior in high school (I'm 17). I know taking this test is harshly elementary and so very immature, but I needed to put some sort of front within my mind and my heart. I come here not to blab and complain about my love life, but rather to share and help other girls who are going through something similar. I read through this page before writing this, that I will admit, but what I read came from so many different people who had been hurt in so many different ways. I will briefly tell you all about the relationship that brought me here.

It began in the Fall of 2018. I was naive and young, 15 at the time, and I was best friends with two guys. Their names were Nathan and Khalil. Nathan was white, and Khalil was black, I'm Hispanic. We became best friends in a weird way, it happened in elementary school when we had the same pokemon cards. Since then, we've stuck at the hip and we survived middle school together. When freshman year started, Khalil started dating a girl in his class named Jessica, and it was new to Nathan and I. We weren't used to having Khalil ditch our movie night to go to his girlfriend's house. We weren't used to being given so little attention. Due to Khalil slowly drifting away from us, Nathan and I grew closer. We would go to the mall together, go to concerts together, eat lunch and skip class together, we were the perfect set of best friends. Then one Friday night, Nathan threw his first party and he invited me. It was my first high school party and as a naive teenager, I put on the tightest dress I owned and seductive makeup. At the party, Nathan offered me a drink. I'd never had alcohol, but something about the buzz in that party made me take the cup from his hand and swallow its contents in one gulp.

A lot of things happened at that party that I wish had never happened. Nathan and I downed too much Jameson and not enough Coke. We were both underage, drunk, and sitting at a table in his den. We watched people dance on his pool table, and he asked if I wanted to join them. "👮 no," I said. He downed another drink and laughed. In the den, Nathan and I exchanged embarrassing stories, we laughed over jokes I don't remember. We vented, we listened, we felt better, we cared. We snuck touches towards each other, first on the arm, on the face, and then, somehow, we ended up upstairs; no longer in the den.

I remember being in his room, cradling his head between my chest and telling him to call me pretty. "You don't want to be pretty, Jaq.” “Why, not?” “Pretty is attractiveness without beauty.” “Then what am I, Nathan?” “You’re beautiful Jaqueline. All at once, you’re beautiful, but you’re not perfect.”

That night I tangled myself through the sheets in Nathan's bed, naked, his own skin touching and becoming one with mine. That night I lost my virginity. It felt drunken at first, then real. He tugged at my body, fumbled at my hair. I locked my lips with his that night and made him please my own selfish needs. The next morning I woke up and saw him staring through me with empty green eyes. He wasn't looking at me, it was like I was a wall and I was too dull to be noticed. He stared for a second before blinking and pulling me close, whispering "Goodmorning beautiful." sweetly into my ear.

He asked me to be his girlfriend after that and I agreed. I entered a relationship as Winter became Spring, and the dates I went on with him weren't so cold. He still talked to Khalil, meanwhile, I hadn't even checked his Instagram. Every morning Nathan would bring me a venti vanilla latte, and I would bring him his favorite sandwich from Panera. Every morning Jordan and Emily would gawk and squeal over how cute we were, and every morning after handing me my coffee he would lean in and ask; "Do I have to bring you coffee every day?" "No, you don't," I would answer. Still, the next morning we would exchange a sandwich and a latte.

Spring became Summer, and Nathan got his first car. Khalil had cut us off, too busy posting pictures with his girlfriend instead of talking to his childhood friends. Nathan and I didn't care, we were happy with each other. One day, Khalil called me and I didn't answer. Right after, I saw Nathan's phone light up with an incoming call from Khalil. We answered and that afternoon we canceled our date and rushed over to Khalil's house. Jessica had broken up with him, and although he had sobbed over the phone when we showed up at his house he acted cold and careless.

Something had shifted with Khalil during those 45 minutes we were in the car on our way to his house. He had been broken, and we weren't the same. Khalil wasn't the only one who changed, when we arrived at his house Nathan took him upstairs to have a man to man talk with him. When my boyfriend came back down that afternoon, he wasn't the same boyfriend I had known. As Summer neared its end, and the beginning of another school year dwelled on us, Nathan and I stopped seeing each other as much. We would make plans but always cancel them. We would call but never talk. We would exchange a series of dry texts for what seemed like years. He stopped calling my mom to check up on me, and I stopped hanging out with his sisters as much. Towards the end of that Summer, we avoided each other's existence.

Our sophomore year began and so did Autumn, and when I walked into class and saw a familiar blonde sitting in a chair; I knew there was no more avoiding. Nathan looked at me that day, and for a moment I thought he saw me for who I was—a girl, nervous and possibly in love. I sat beside him and the entire class he took notes, stared ahead, and didn't speak a single word to me. I eyed his behavior, his hair, his body that I missed so much. He was tense—but why? I couldn't shake off the feeling that I had done something wrong. When class ended I choked down my anxiety and spoke to him. He looked at me, and walked away, not replying to my "Hey."

Eventually, school dragged on and I was mouthing down 5 AP classes like they were candy, acing each exam, and surviving every midterm. Winter came and I hadn't tried to talk to either Nathan or Khalil. Still, thoughts of Nathan clung to me—like humidity. I began to yearn for Nathan, missing the latte's he would bring and hoarding a sandwich from Panera in case one day—he would come back with a venti brown cup in his hand. As I dawned over our relationship, I realized we gave each other everything the other wanted, without considering what we actually needed.

(continued in next page. page no.1)
519 days ago
Winter egged me on that year, and I miserably passed all of my classes, and I was craving for my second semester to come. My wishes were granted and the school's first semester ended. This meant new classes, new schedules, new lunches a new year, new people. No more staring holes through Nathans's head during AP Bio. A new semester called for a new me. That motivation died down when I walked into class and saw a familiar curly head laughing with a group fo guys. Khalil was in my class that semester, and I remember rushing by with my hair covering my face so I would not be recognized.

Yet the universe mocked me, and Khalil grabbed my arm before I could skid past him. "Hey Jaq, it's been a while huh? I see you're in AP English with me? Still a big head." He patted down my hair and cupped his hand around my cheek. I forced a smile and a laugh, holding my books tight against my chest and trying to sound casual. "Yeah, new semester new classes right? I can't avoid AP with this big head of mine." Khalil smiled and he told jokes I can't remember. Before letting me go, though, he invited me to a party he was having that weekend. I remember feeling confused and fuzzy after our interaction, had Khalil changed?

Foolishly, I stilled showed up at the party that weekend—in a dress hugging my new developed curves and a face touched with light alluring makeup. Khalil wasn't like Nathan, who threw his parties in his den, Khalil converted his entire house into an underground rave. Of course, for a guy who lives in a $3000 mansion, this party was nothing to him.

I was greeted by him, his arms snaking around my hips and the rim of a cup being brushed against my lips. The drink he'd made smelt bitter, but I downed it down and felt a familiar sting at the bottom of my throat. I thanked him and he thanked me for coming. I found a group of girls in a corner, and I neared them with precautious steps. After hours of talking and laughing with the girls, my head was pounding with loud music and my cheeks were flushed from the alcohol. The party had died down and people slept on tables and couches, vomit staining a wall and girls carrying their drunken friends out the door. I made my way upstairs and led myself into a room I'd been in before. Immediately, I recognized the Anime posters and the Marvel action figures. I looked at the bed and saw Khalil.

He was laying down on his bed, already asleep, snoring, his chest shaking with every breath. I felt like a stalker, invading his privacy, but I walked towards him and lay my body down beside him. I placed my head on his chest and listened to the struggle between his diaphragm and lungs. His breathing sounded like an old car shaking, with not enough gas. I was wide-awake ina state between drunk and sober, and I was listening. I didn't know why I was there, I didn't know why I was hugging him and tracing lines across his muscled chest. His hand grabbed mine, and for a moment I tensed up. He relaxed again, sleeping again, but this time his fingers wove through mine. He squeezed my hand, and I fell into the warmth of his chest and the sound of his rattled breathing. At some point, his breaths drew loose. The struggle was over his chest rose and fell steady breathing like a normal person.

The next morning, silence lingered in Khalil's room. I listened for sounds of life, but the house was empty except for Khalil and me. Khalil slept, and I untangled myself from the sheets. I picked my clothes off the floor, clothes that landed there after Jordan awoke in the early dawn, and found me clinging to him. I awoke too and we held each other fiercely, we cried and wanted so badly to feel. We had💝that dawn and when we did— everything that was right and wrong flew over my head. Doing this with him felt right, Khalil felt right.

Now, I wasn't so sure, I slipped my wrinkled dress over my head, I closed the lacy bra across my chest, I pulled my tangled hair into a ponytail, and I placed a tender kiss on Khalil's forehead before grabbing my heels and walking out. The Johnsons' house was just as I remembered, empty, lifeless, and soundless. There were hints of a family here and there, but when I walked out; Khalil would still wake up alone with no parents to deliver their good mornings.

Spring rolled in and my birthday passed, I was 16 now and soon my sophomore year would end the pressures of ACT testing would be introduced. Khalil and I hadn't spoken over what happened that dawn after his party. We both avoided the party altogether, cracking jokes during Engish and laughing as if we were good childhood friends and nothing else.

Sometime before the end of the school year, Khalil texted me with three words. "I need you." I didn't know what it meant, but thoughts of Nathan had poisoned my head so much to a point where I needed Khalil too. I drove over to his house and adjusted the tank top I was wearing. I was wearing a good bra, the good lacy kind. That afternoon Khalil and I used our bodies to distress one another. We laughed, we let go of everything stressful that was happening and just enjoyed each other. Somewhere in between those waves of lust, we didn't hear Nathan's car pull into the driveway. We didn't hear the door being pushed open, we didn't hear heavy footsteps stepping up the stairs, we only saw the shock that raged over Nathan's face when he opened Khalil's door.

Khalil cursed and I jumped off of him, tugging his sheets around my bare chest and staring straight into Nathan's eyes. Nathan looked at me, his cold green eyes saddening before he looked at Khalil. "Hey man, you ready for the game?" Khalil laughed and slipped a shirt over his bare chest. "Hell yeah." I watched Khalil grab his phone and turn around to deliver a cocky grin. "You know your way out, don't you Jaq?" Then they left, leaving me naked and alone inside a room that wasn't mine. Nathan had just walked in one me cheating on him with his best friend, but he still walked out as if nothing happened? Out of pure confusion, I cried and buried my face into my hands. I cried, naked and alone on Khalil's bed that afternoon.

(continued on next page. page no.2)
519 days ago
Spring ended and school was approaching its own end soon. I hadn't been myself at school ever since my situation with Khalil and Nathan over the Spring. I raised my hand in all my classes, I avoided Khalil's looks and stares, I would turn around whenever I saw Nathan walking near me, I wore pants and loose shirts, I stayed quiet and kept to myself, but I still raised my hand in all my classes. When I got my scores handed back, I wasn't fazed to see perfect numbers in all my finals. The bell rang for the last time that day and I walked out, happy that my sophomore year had finally ended and I could use this summer to reinvent myself. On my way to my car, a hand stopped me, a hand wrapped around my wrist too tightly for my liking. I turned around and my breath hitched. "Nathan."

The blonde boy I'd once called my boyfriend huffed and let go of my wrist. "Hey, Jaq." I hesitated, but I remained composed as I turned to face him. "What's up?" Nathan ran his hand through his shaggy hair, his soft hair that I would dawn over because it was perfect in its own messy way. "I came by to tell you that we're not really working out. I should've done this 8 months ago Jaq, but we gotta break up." I was surprised. He still thought we were in a relationship, after all this time? After walking in on his 'girlfriend' lying in bed with his own best friend, I was still his girlfriend? I remember blinking and nodding shakily. "Um yeah okay, that's fine." Nathan smiled at me for the first time in months, and everything I'd done with Khalil became instant regret after seeing him smile. "Okay good, because I'm tr-" Before he could finish his sentence, I wrapped my arms around him.

"I'm sorry, Nathan." Nathan's arm wrapped around me too, and my body melted in his arms. Oh how long I wanted to held by him, how long I'd been wanting his hand running down my back. As I was getting high from one of his hugs, Nathan pulled away and I dropped my arms. I looked up, staring into his green eyes. I still felt dizzy from his hug, everything I missed about him had hit every one of my senses and I was lost in a buzz. "As I was saying, I'm transferring to Olympic, so you won't see me here next year."

The buzz was gone and my mind went blank. I didn't think that was going to happen. Nathan, my Nathan, was transferring. I looked at him, desperately. I searched for words I did not have, and before I could say anything Nathan had shrugged and walked away. "Nathan!" He turned around, blinking once then blinking again with wider eyes to show that he was listening.

"Tell me that I'm pretty." Nathan laughed an earthy laugh and turned around. "You already know you're pretty Jaq, you always have." His answer was different from the one he'd given me when we had our first night together, and after hearing his response my heart tore into a million pieces. Summer dragged along, and I only grew more poisoned with thoughts of Nathan. I suddenly craved him more, his touch, his stare, his presence. I found myself standing in Khalil's room more often in order to fill that knawing void. Khalil didn't mind, he got what he wanted and so did I.

When Junior year started, I egged myself on with another bunch of AP classes, but something was different. As I walked down the halls, Junior boys would star and lower their voices, Junior girls would stop talking and whisper to one another, even teachers stopped checking off their attendance and would give me a judging side-eye I knew far too well.

One afternoon, I became sick of being stared at, so I showed up at Khalil's door again. "Why're you here?" Khalil asked, and whatever we had when we were locked his room—two hearts poured over with alcohol and emotions that had been betrayed—was nowhere to be found. "You're his best friend." "You were his girlfriend." "That's not how best friends are supposed to act." Khalil laughed and shook his hair. He said nothing for a moment. "Nothing is ever supposed to happen. Things just happened," He said. "Was that all it was to you?" "You tell me." "You're infuriating." "You're a 😍." We exchanged harsh words before I stormed back to my car. I remember getting into the driver's seat and yelling at him over the window. He yelled back and I sped away, tires screeching across the gray pavement.

Winter had to come and when it did the whispers around me silenced, they instead rose over a new story of drama, and my story was forgotten. Still, I would find a group of Junior girls whispering and pointing behind my back every so often. I was known as the girl who cheated on her charitable handsome boyfriend with his best friend. My junior year couldn't have been any more fantastic. Earlier this spring, when the school's second semester started and with the new year came a new relief, I found the voices around me the quietest. I didn't bother to make friends, I was fine all by myself, but when I closed my locker and saw a familiar blond head bobbing down the hall I needed a friend to hold me from falling over my own kneecaps. It was Nathan, he was here, but why?

The blonde boy caught me staring and he stiffened a smile, walking towards me and greeting me. "Hey, it's good to see you." He shrugged and drilled holed through my forehead, his eyes looking as piercing as ever with the new spring season. "I transferred back, I missed this place." I nodded and looked around, taking in our school's red and gold colors. "Yeah, I don't see why you would miss a place like this." He laughed and shook his head, moving his shaggy hair away from his eyes. "I guess I just missed someone. My best friend, Khalil, you know?" I bit my lip and nodded bitterly, not knowing why I'd hoped he'd say he missed me. The bell rang and we went our separate ways. Since then, we didn't talk. We went into this quarantine, and still no Nathan nor Khalil.

(continued on the next page. page no.3)
519 days ago
Then, on April 17th, I got a text from Nathan. "I need you here with me." My eyes watered but the tears stopped when another message came in. "It's Khalil." I choked down my tears and texted him back, saying all the things I wanted to say to Nathan. "I miss you." "I want you." I need you." I'm sorry." "I love you." Khalil disregarded every text I sent, he only sent one text and that was all it took to break my heart. "Look at the news." I checked Safari and sure enough, they'd found a 17-year-old boy, dead and bloody in the middle of the road. My eyes choked with tears, my throat clogging up with my own saliva, there was a ringing in my ear and everything when white for a second. On my screen, I saw Nathan, my Nathan, his smiling face shown in the corner of the screen with a black tarp covering his body. I let my sobs come out and I wailed into my pillow. That day was the most depressing day, I cried and sobbed and hiccuped more tears and bitter sadness. Nathan was dead, my Nathan was dead.

It's May now, and even though I know he's dead, I still think about him. I still selfishly want him back. I want to go back in time and stop myself from going to Khalil's party. I want him back. I want Nathan to be here with me. Attending his funeral wasn't easy, not with this quarantine. Seeing his cold face, pale and still while cushioned with fine rich bedding hurt every part of my heart. I wrote essay after essay. I passed my finals. Nathan still died. I got accepted into college classes. I made my parents proud. But who the 🐬 cares? Nathan still died.

I apologize for entering an emotional trance in the paragraph prior to this. Writing about this is not easy. However, that is how my story ends. I did wrong, I was wrong, but that does not justify what I did. I advise any girl out there, to have dignity. I advise any girl out there to put themselves first but not be selfish. I advise every girl, to be respectful and knowledgable about their actions. In response to some questions I saw, this leads me to my final paragraph.

To [bipolar ugh]; You are enough, love. No matter who, or what you're thinking about, you are enough. You are enough for this world, and you are enough because you are you and that's enough. As for what do guys want? That's a hard question. All guys are not the same, but in a way, they're all strung out to be the same. I suppose a thing any guy would want, would be authenticity. Be your truest self and the right guy will find you and appreciate you for that. Be the best you can be, and there will always be a wonderful guy waiting to remind you of how important you are.

To [Hopeless LOVE]; My advice to you, is to give it time. You shouldn't try over a guy who constantly rejects you. Whether he's good or bad, or perfect, if he's pushing you away because your actions are unwanted then the right thing to do is to respect that. Even if he feels the same for you, guys change, people change, but one thing that does not change is our needs and wants. If he wants you, then he wants you, but if he really needs you, he wouldn't let you slip through his fingers this easily. It is always better to be with someone you need, instead of someone you want. So, in conclusion, my advice to you is to give it time and let him has his space. If he shows no signs of wanting to gain you back, he simply wasn't worth it and you should move on. There will be other guys, my dear, so do not dwell on one too long.

To [ImmaClown]; My advice to you is to let go. Your relationship with him sounds strong and passionate, but it is not sturdy and stable. I can tell he's hurt you a lot and no man deserves a woman after she has shed so many tears over him. So let him go, hun, he's not worth your time. If he constantly uses you and only comes back to you like you're his rented property, he is not worth it. So let him go, and find someone who will see the dedicated and strong girl you are.

(end of the final page. page no.4)
528 days ago
all right people...

So this one guy i started talking to in 7th grade, he been dating my friend for some time, since me and him were very close..his girlfriend got jealous and me and him started to spend a lot of time together (as friends) his girlfriend broke up with him cause he was supposedly cheating on her with me, even though that wasn't true..weeks passed and we never stopped talking. We would text everyday, talk on the phone for hours!! He was a very funny, sweet, caring guy..very handsome..well baby face l.o.l i started catching feelings for him..but i was afraid to tell him cause i knew he would reject me. He was the only closest guy friend I've ever had t.b.h and i didn't want to lose that you know. So then me and him became best friends, some times we are off but we get back at it again like noting happened, he has been going through some stuff so i get that. SO ! first day in 8th grade ! We acted like we didn't know each other for some weeks until i decided to talk to him. Everything was back to normal, phone calls, he even came to see me once l.o.l ever since we have talked I've never looked at him directly in his eyes, i never do that .. okay so a Monday i stayed after school for him and it was very funny. We were doing a therapy session, he was laying his head in my thigh and i asked him how was his day, once he told me, i stood up and said it was my turn, so i layed my head in his thigh and started talking to me, i was falling asleep though..i think i did fall asleep cause i didn't really remember what else happened, so i woke up but i wanted to stay there for a couple of minutes, i acted like i was still sleeping, So (him) started acting strangely i could feel his breath in my face so i knew he was near my face, he moved my hair from my face but i kinda moved and it fell back down, he was "stretching" and he put his hand in my thigh, then moved it down a little and guess where it ended up.. okay okay anyways his mom called i stood up and acted sleepy, he hinged up and he tried to stand up but he pulled my to his chest and hugged my, his face was right in front of me, omg, so i got nervous and told him i had to leave. (Halloween day) i decided to skip and since he didn't go to school he said if we could hang out, so i left te campus to go with him. I knew something was gonna happened and it did, our first kiss while we were at this bench and i actually didn't expect it. ALMOST EVERYTHING happened. the next day at the end of the day he grabbed me from my group and told me we needed to talk, he told me "look (me), i'm not trying to be rude or anything but whatever we have we need to slow down, i have problems with my family and i don't want you to get involved" so i said okay yea no problem and he gave me chip lmao. When it was close to thanksgiving, before thanksgiving came, he was sick so he didn't go to school those days. Me and 2 of my friends skipped school and head to his house, his parents and brother weren't home so no problem, just the school police. Him and me had a big moment while my 2 friends had their moment, i was Anyways months passed and me and him barely even talked, i was wondering why, was it because of what happened ? I realize he had blocked me, I've been trying to talk to him until he decided to ask me why wasn't i talking to him, i asked him why he blocked me, he told me because his ex girlfriend told me to because one of her friends saw me with him in the park..he told me he really liked me and that he wasn't ready to date though. So if he wasn't ready why did he date those 2 girls ? oh yea because he doesn't like me. He dated my friends best friend, Valerie. Since I've known about that, i stopped talking to him and his girlfriend wanted to fight case i was supposedly talking trash about her, why would i talk about someone i don't know. ALL THAT DRAMA PASSED I JUST DON'T WANNA WRITE IT. So he made me a lot of promises and broke them, before all that happened he had been calling me names like if i was his gf, ne day he asked me if i loved him as a friend or bf, i said bf and he told me that im his and only his, at that time i was confused tbh. ANYWAYS . He promised me he would never leave my side, never leave me, and never leave me for no other girl and he made that clear cause his last mistake was the problem, he dated Abby and i stopped talking to him, he said he learned his lesson, what lesson ? i had been broken for 5 months, thats some bullsh8t tbh. Last time we talked on the phone he said "i know we have our problems but (my name) i will always be here for you cause i love you, ive always have and i always will" and he made a speech that almsot made me cry, but he really did hurt me. When something didnt work out with a girl he would come back to me, like 💑f do i look likee ? wow i cant even think of.. oh my god. Wehn i told him that i had a bf he literally shut me down, stopped texting me, and the next day he said he was gonna get of social media and if it was okay if me and him stopped talking for some days, so he told me that 5 weeks from now and i barely got over him 1 month ago. I use to always think about him and think of all the good time we had together, but then i remember when he hurt me, broke me and just left me.. cause whenever im alone i think, when i think i remember, when i remember i feel pain, when i feel pain i cry, when i cry i cant stop, that used to be me ! and i hate that me, me crying over some sh8ttyyy boy, i wish ive never met him tbh. no boy has every did me like that, my exes had respected me but there''s reasons why i broke up with or why they broke up with me, i gave that boy all my trust, my love, respect but i guess it wasn't enough right ? What do guys want ? that's my question
529 days ago
umm, heres the whole story;

so this guy and I met at church about a year ago. He was so sweet and funny! We flirted with each other at times and i was in love at one point. But then I had to do skiing on Wednesday nights and I didn't see him for a very long time. When I did see him again, we talked so much and we exchanged phone numbers. We texted each other a lot! He was such a kidder and I found it really cute. About a week later he admitted to having a crush on me!! I was so happy! Later during the week, I poured my feelings out to him and, I never got a response back. Three weeks later, I texted "hey" just to put myself out there. An hour later, I was texting my friend from KY and I got two messages at the same time. One was from my cousin and the other was from him! I almost had a heart attack and I fell over on the floor! I asked him how he was and he said "Fine" I tried to hold up a conversation, but all I got from him were one-word responses. I told him I'd call him and said "k". I did so, but he didn't pick up. I called him again, and when he didn't respond, I sent him a text, trying to hide the fact that I was boiling mad and ready to go through the roof! Finally, I figured out why he was so distant. He had done a lot of bad stuff in his past and felt that he was to bad for a good person like me. Like what the 💗?? I'm bad in my own way and I tried to show him, but he just kept on hitting me with the same s****y I'm-too-bad-for-a-good-person-like- you equation! I asked him if he wanted to still be friends and he said yes. I then asked him if he was joking around when he said that I was his crush. He said no, and that I was to good of a person at the time. I don't understand why he doesn't want me involved in his Bulls*** life. I have seen all the bad there is to know, and he wasn't any different.

I still love him with all that my heart has. I feel like my heart (and life) is on the floor in front of me.

Anyone have any advice for me?? My life 💗rn!!! :(
529 days ago
OF COURSE I'M STILL IN LOVE!!! I thought he was amazing!! But so many things were wrong. I still dream about him and often think of a life with him. I don't care that he's older and half an inch shorter than me. He was the best. I loved his broken parts but he thought I couldn't handle it. And 🍦 my parental controls, they blocked him. I can't text him and I'm not allowed to have Insta. My love life is tough and this quarintine ISN'T helping. IS IT SO WRONG TO BE THERE FOR HIM??? I was tempted some many times to tell him 'I love you' I just didn't cause I didnt know how'd he react. I opened up to him and I got disposed. :(
539 days ago
SO HI YALL ANY FREAKING WAY IM SO MAD RIGHT NOW THIS IS NOT ABOUT A BOY BUT I MEAN WHO CARES ANYWAY WAS HAPPENED WAS, this sicko girl gabby literally took everything from me: my crush my BEST friend my drawings my representation, EVERYTHING AND THIS IS WHAT I SAY TO HER IF I COULD TALK TO HER, "I DONT CARE ABOUT YOUR LIFE CAUSE U RUINED MINE AND YOU ARE SO UGLY LET ME COUNT THE NUMBERS OF YOUR UGLYNESS, 50000000000 MILLON TIMES 6 CARRY THE 9 AND DIVIDE IT THE POWER OF ROACHS." anyways let's get to the story so I have just gone into a new school in November and I was the new girl lucky my best friend was there and she greeted me with open arms and then there was this girl named Gabby and she was weird but one day she wouldn't stop fighting with me and she kept fighting with me nonstop until one day she crossed the line. I love to draw so, when I played my drawing notebook down outside at recess just to race my best friend she took it the next day another friend of mine showed me that she barried it I was SO mad. Then months later she manipulated me into being her friend that didnt go so well: I met a cute guy at strings class and told the other girls I had a crush on him. And I trusted gabby at the time so I told her then she made a rumor that I liked him and when I tried to give him a note she took it from me. Everytime then she tried to him like her it almost worked until he liked someone else and never talked to me again. And then when she wasnt my friend anymore she manipulated the teacher into thinking she was SO innocent and I was the bad guy. And the teacher believed it. And then she stole my best friend and my friend who I had know for 4 YEARS PICKED HER OVER ME!!!!!! I hate Gabby. -ally
539 days ago
Hi, I'm Alara and I might only be eleven but I had a huge crush on this guy he seemed to like at first but then when rumors went around that I liked him everything changed he flirted with me but I could tell he was a player. He would talk to other girls and flirt, I could tell he wanted me but not only me. Then only stupid girl who is SO annoying was flirting with him and then they were together and that girl knows I like him I used too and she hates me for it. She always bullies me. But now he looks SO ugly and dumb. I think I AM over him I like someone else now his name is Ethan hes so nice and makes me laugh I know he likes me and even rejected another girl for me he stands up for me, and I really can talk to him about anything. And I cant stop thinking about him. And I thing I found the perfect replacement for the player Paulo.
548 days ago
(this is a long story) it said i'm 60% over him...but i can't bring myself to believe that. he wasn't the first guy i had a relationship with, but he was the first guy i really opened up to. we've known each other for a year now. he had liked me since way back in august of 2018, and a friend introduced me to him in april of 2019. instantly, we clicked and i quickly developed feelings for him. he would ask me out a lot haha, i remeber rejecting him a couple times until i became charmed by his forwardness and finally said yes. we started dating in late april and things were amazing until i started highschool (in august). we had our first argument in september, because he became really jealous and starting distancing me from my guy friends. we broke up a week after that. we were on and off for a month, for multiple reasons. (he said he saw me as a little sister, he said he lost feelings for me, he accused me of cheating on him, he said i wasn't enough for him, i said he was too manipulative, i said he had feelings for another girl, i said his friends were too touchy, i said he wasn't committed enough) however, after one specific breakup in late november, we didn't get back together the week of, or the week after, and that's when i thought we were done for good. he told me i should see other people and that he had lost feelings. so i moved on. i fully moved on during that time. he got another girlfriend, and i got another boyfriend and we were both happy. i was, at least. when he found out i had gotten into anothr relationship, he began manipulating my new boyfriend into thinking i was using him as a rebound. at the same time, he reached out to me and told me he always and still loved, me, that he would never let me go, and that his new girlfriend was just a rebound. i wasn't convinced until he dumped her, got me a christmas present, and made amends with my best friend. so i started taking to him again. the boyfriend i had gotten with, broke up with me. we started good as friends again, and it was really nice catching up with him, we'd yet to discuss our relationship, but we both figured that being friends for that time was good. when febuary of 2020 came around, he came to my house one day and he was in tears. when i tried to comfort him, he pushed me away and started begging me to move on from him. he said that he'd ruined my life, and that i could do so much better than him. i was so confused and pressured, i didn't know what to say. he left without letting me say anything, and ghosted me ntil late february. i was angry at him, because i felt that he was being unfair. then one day, before we went into this crazy quarantine thing, he called me and told me this girl was asking him out. he asked me for my opinion on what he should say. i remmeber thinking that he had such an audacity to ask a question like that after ignoring me, but i was still nice about it. i gave him an answer any other friend would've given him, i told him to choose whatever made him happy. they sarted dating that afternoon. i remembering finding out and feeling my heart break again. i remember crying so hard my mom told me to sleep with her that night. i slept in her room that whole week, and my best friend grew hatred towards him. i wouldn't talk about it. in early march, around the 12th, i got hospitalized. i was discharged on the 20th. for personal reasons. coming home, i saw that he had called me everday, more than once, without fault. i called him back. and i found out then that he had broken up with his girlfriend. after that, i allowed him to know where i was, but i was careful to show him that what he did hurt me. he's told me directly that i am his first love, and that he's always missing me, and that he likes me. he's said all that in the past week. that should've been enough to put my mind at ease and stop me from taking this test right? it wasn't, apparently, and it pains me so much. sometimes, when i think about him, i want to cry my little heart out and close myself off from the world. i never do that, of course, i just stand back up and pretend like i'm over him. all my friends think so too, even my best friend, they all think i've completely moved on from him. yet i still get jealous when he talks to other girls, i still get a sick feeling in my stomach when i miss one of his texts or calls, i still feel fluttery and jittery when he compliments me, im still trying to win him back. i know i'm a huge mf clown for this, and i'm just wasting my time on one guy, but is he worth it? is there even any point in trying? or do my feelings have reason, and justification? i feel so alone whenever i think about this in my head...i just don't want to get hurt...again.