What type of woman would you be? (Test for men only)
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What type of woman would you be? (Test for men only)

Imagine, one sunny morning after a long restful nights sleep, you wake up to find your long (maybe short, I don’t know) loyal friend had been replaced by a mossy moist cavern, and upon your chest stood mile high creamy mountains where your pecks/flab burgers once rested. How would you react? What type of woman would you become for that one day? Would you be a scag or a hag? Would you be a princess or a diesel dyke from the depths down below? How would you react in this bizarre situation? Have you and your buddies take this nutty test and share a few laughs as your personality is analyzed as what you would be like if you actually were born a woman.

Question 1:Slowly you roll over grunting and groaning; you stretch out your limbs and awaken from a deep restful nights sleep after a long hard night of partying, only your not in your own house, your somewhere else in someone else’s house, and to make maters worse … you’re a woman! How do you react?
Start giggling and take a peek under the silky covers while copping a quick feel.
Mutter “hmm…weird” and role back over and pass out for another ten minutes.
Sit up, stair, start laughing hysterically and wet the bed.
“Oh my god, oh my god, yes, yes, yes”, and race your new slim fingers straight for that grassy field.
Start screaming and banging your head on the wall, “no, this can’t be happening to me!”

Question 2:You decide to get up; after all you can’t hide in bed all day as a woman, how boring. Pushing off the covers, you head toward the closet. What type of outfit do you choose to wear?
You tear through the closet and dresser, finding the sexiest underwear and lacey bra, slip into a short clingy black dress and throw on a pair of spiked 6” heals. Then stand in front of the mirror posing for imaginary hidden cameras.
Anything cotton and loose fitting with a pair of sneakers.
A plain white t-shirt or button down shirt, brown loafers and straight-legged kaki slacks.
Either a cute little flowered sundress, or hip hugger jeans and a frilly top with a nice pair of sandals.
Pink bunny slippers, extra long batman t-shirt, black tights and a sparkly belt around your waist.

Question 3:You really have to take a leak, drain the lizard, (wait, that’s right you have no lizard). Ok, you have to let the juice drip out of the taco, so you search out the bathroom; how do you relieve yourself?
Search out the cat box instead and drop some happy bumpy logs while you’re at it.
Sit down and go, but be sure to watch the fountain, “hmm, fascinating”.
Just sit down and go; you’ve seen your girlfriend do this before.
Stand up and straddle the seat, letting it drizzle everywhere.
Grab a mirror, sit down, and search out the petroleum jelly.

Question 4:You go to the mirror and wash your face. There is an open drawer on the left side of the counter full of cosmetics. Do you…
You think about putting a little cover-up on that one red zit, but that’s about all.
Cat eyes, blue lipstick, and sparkles.
Tear through the drawer and put on a lot of everything: thick eyeliner, red lipstick, shadow, gloss, the works.
“Makeup? No way man, am I putting on any of that crap!”
Maybe a little lip-gloss and a touch of eye makeup, that’s good.

Question 5:You spot some assorted jewelry on the counter above the drawer. You decide to wear…
Dig through the jewelry but decide to snatch the collar off the dog, tie a tampon to it, put safety pins through your ear lobe and stick a smurf bandage on your forehead.
Look at the jewelry, think about it, but forget what you were doing and scratch your arm.
A thick plain chain and a watch, black watch.
Two necklaces, a choker, eight rings, four bracelets, and dangle earrings.
One small necklace and a shimmering blue ring.

Question 6:You notice you have wavy shoulder length brown hair, a little messy but well kept. You fix it up by…
Shaving part, clipping some strands short, dying the long strands blue.
One can hair spray, a hand full of mousse, some gel, a hot curling iron, barrettes, and hair glitter.
Combing it.
Brushing it nicely and adding a pretty headband or a sparkly butterfly barrette.
Butching it off and throwing on a ball cap.

Question 7:Your starved, making your way to the kitchen you peek into all the cupboards and fridge and decide to munch on…
Dig through the fridge and cabinets, have a small taste of everything while sharing it with the family cat; then make a fake puke concoction and pour it down the steps.
A bag of strawberries and watch yourself eat them.
Sandwich or chips, maybe Mac n’ cheese, then stair out the window.
Search out a large banana, whip cream, choco syrup, and some cherries and make yourself a sundae…literally.
Grab a beer, burn a pizza, then head straight for the couch, after all, Sunday football is on.

Question 8:You decide to amuse yourself after your snack, you …
Peek in some drawers, glance at some photos, then sit down and browse through the girl’s poetry.
Call your x-girlfriend’s house and prank her new boyfriend, pretending to be her secret lesbian lover and mention her hidden fetish for backdoor pleasure and barnyard fun.
Head for the nearest closet or dresser and search for any “toys”.
Fart, then continue watching Sunday football.
Doodle some pictures then play with the dog.

Question 9:It’s getting boring here, definitely time to leave the house and search out some new adventures for the day. You decide to go to…
To the arcade.
Head over to the nearest les-be-friends girly bar and meet up with some loose femmys for a three way.
A local tavern for cheep beer and pool.
A public washroom, dressing room, or spa, “hey, opportunity awaits”.
Take the dog with you to the supermarket; then pretend to be blind while slipping laxatives/condoms/prune-juice into people’s shopping carts.

Question 10:While out and about you run into an old buddy of yours, lets call him ‘John’. John thinks you fine and flirts up a storm. You react by…
Giggle, and tell him, “Na-ah, you ain’t got a chance, ha ha.” (If he only knew, poor bastard.)
“Hey, knock it off buddy, or ill be using your intestine as a noose pal.”
Flirt back, hey, what will it hurt huh?
Pick your nose, flirt back and giggle way too much, then snort really loud.
Not notice and rattle on about some commercial you saw that made you laugh.

Question 11:John doesn’t get the hint that your not digging him the way he’s digging you. He lays a big fat kiss on you, what do you do?
Let him finish, then give him a blank stare asking him, “hey, you had McDonalds today didn’t you?”
Barf all over his shirt.
Kiss back, maybe even toss in a little tongue, after all you’re a girl today, it doesn’t matter.
Push him away and start swearing at him in Russian so loud a crowd appears.
Throw him up against the wall, grab him by the jewels and twist, “you ever do that again and I’ll fry these bad boys up like eggs!”

Question 12:As your leaving, an old chick friend of yours “Kylie” wanders past. You stop her and …
Ask her if her dad still owns that classic t-bird and ask if you can swing by and help fix it up.
Try your hardest to have her come out and get drunk with you so you can bring her back to “your” place and have some “fun”.
Start talking about some new movie you just saw.
Chat it up with her and mildly flit, trying to detect if she has a secret ‘alternative’ side to her, then invite her out for coffee.
Convince her that the government is run by aliens and she must hurry with you to your secret headquarters, which only looks like a Laundromat, but isn’t…really.

Question 13:Kylie and you somehow end up hanging out. Were do you picture the two of you?
Naked, alone, in a public sauna drunk as skunks, making out.
At the senior home, having wheel chair races with her toothless grandma.
Shooting pool, downing cheep beer at a nearby pub.
At the park feeding ducks.
At the mall, trying on sexy clothes together.

Question 14:The nights getting old, your getting tired, you head back. How do you drive?
Put the vehicle on cruse control and barely focus on the road, placing most your attention under your dress.
I don’t know? Normal I guess, maybe five miles over.
Do ten doughnuts in the parking lot, race down the side streets backwards, then play chicken with every taxi you see while blasting horrible opera with the windows all the way down.
A little slow, checking out the hottie chicks in the cars nearby while giving them the V-tongue.
Peel the tires, race a corvette at the light, and cut off a chick in a minivan.

Question 15:Your back at the house that you woke up at and you smell something fishy; you notice it’s you. Hopping in the bathtub you…
Throw in some bubble bath and scented beads, light some candles and relax while looking at your self in the flickering light.
Turn on the shower setting and give yourself a good run over with the soap bar, a little shampoo, pass some gas, that’s all.
Plop down in the tub; almost pass out. Wash and rinse your hair, soap up, get out.
Yes, lets get soaking wet. Hmm, this shower hose looks like loads of fun; hmm, cream rinse? Such wonderful thoughts.
Pull the dog and cat in with you and see which one stays longer. Then play with the yellow ducky and the cuts on your arm that the cat left.

Question 16:This day of being a woman sure has worn you out. You head for the couch for some late night TV. You watch…
A spicy HBO or USA ‘up all night’ special with cute chicks in bikinis and compare yourself to the hotties.
A comedy movie or a sitcom.
Jackass, then the Star Trek marathon.
Tune into Playboy or TEN (The Erotic Network).

Question 17:You head for bed; you’re pretty tired. You…
Are still on the couch watching Star Trek petting the cat.
Strip down, toss on a pair of cotton shorts, lye face up under a blanket and immediately start snoring.
Strip down, throw on something silky and lye down in the bed enjoying the silk sheets combined with the silk pajamas.
Slip into some lacey reveling lingerie, cover the bed in plastic wrap and KY, and then stay up till 4:am.
Pass out on the couch still in your clothes, drooling.

Question 18:It’s morning; the sun is shining. Your back at your house in your body with your happily risen friend awake to greet you. At this moment you are…
“Wow, that was so cool, that was so, so cool. Oh my.” Searching out your mags and KY and having happy, happy memories.
Just getting off the couch from the end of the Star Trek marathon; running to the bathroom to shave your head to look like Captain Picard; then running outside to piss in your neighbor’s mailbox.
“Hmm, weird” you get up, brush your teeth…
Hopping in your car, to zip over to your girlfriends house and show her a few new things you learned from the night before.
“Ah, thank god.” Scratching your balls and then going to take a leak, the right way.

This Quiz has been designed by Simon.