Are you a liberal or a conservative?

15 Questions - Developed by:
- Updated on: - 12,361 taken

Two great strains of thought tend to dominate American politics today.

Liberalism, the product of countless Enlightenment thinkers from Locke to Jefferson to Bakunin, takes many forms, but all center around two main themes: human liberty, and its place in balancing out the private and public spheres of economics and politics (see Daniel Bell's "The Cultural Contradictions of Capitalism," which addresses this question beautifully).

Conservatism, championed by Edmund Burke and working under the influence of Hobbes, Mill, and others, attempts to answer these questions with the idea that things should stay as they are, or at least, advance extremely slowly. Less concerned with demonstrable results and public discourse, conservatives tend to favor regression and an idolization of a stagnant, stable society.

In 2006 America, however, things are a little different. The terms "liberal" and "conservative" have lost their true places in public discourse. To that end, this test exists in the time-frame of 2006: I use these terms as those of our generation understand them, instead of their original meanings. "Liberals" are associated with the leftmost wing of politics, "conservatives" with the rightmost. I'm sure you more or less understand things as they are now anyway.

  • 1
    Science is:
  • 2
    Judge all of the following statements as "true" or "false":

    Dead people can’t actively reproduce;

    you look slightly different from your parents;

    your body basically wants you to eat, sleep, and do the nasty.
  • 3
    When George W. Bush declared (and I quote), "God told me to strike at Al Qaida, and I did. God told me to invade Iraq, and I did," this is:

  • 4
    A blastocyte is a single embryonic stem cell. It has the potential to become an arm, a leg, a defense against cancer, a reparative device against Alzheimer’s, regeneration for a diabetic liver, sperm for the impotent, and regenerative retinal tissue for the blind. It can be examined for cures to all of the above mentioned diseases, as well as everything affecting the human immune system from AIDS to the common cold. If left inside a woman for three trimesters, it will also become a person. This cell should be:
  • 5
    A young girl is raped by her father and filled with many such blastocytes. Though she has enough body mass to support the pregnancy, she does not have enough to survive the birth; nor does the baby. This girl should:
  • 6
    Being "pro-life" means:

  • 7
    religion that demands the stoning to death of infants; and the death penalty for saying "oh my God," for converting away from Christianity, for loving someone of the same gender, for providing medical care to women, for disobedience among children, for scientific speculation in general; and for believing anything other than the idea that there's a big, invisible man in the sky who watches everything you do and will sentence you to an eternity in a lake of fire unless you pay a Christian group to steal your rights is:
  • 8
    George instigated the murder of 133,000 brown people because he and his friends wanted some black tar. He covered up scientific facts that he did not like, committing the moral equivalent of shooting the first man who proclaimed, "2+2=4." He lied to 300 million people who he swore to protect, and caused the deaths of 3,000 of them, most of them Christians. At the same time, he laughs, jokes, and giggles with his fat, rich friends, delightedly kicking his heels in the blood building up around them. He is:
  • 9
    Marriage is defined by:
  • 10
    Bill nails an intern, joining the ranks of 32% of Americans by being infidelitous; he also does more for the poor than any President since FDR. George commits all of the things mentioned in question 12, plus intentionally pulling the foundation out from underneath his nation's poor people. Who is ethically superior?

  • 11
    When there's a financial crisis that threatens the middle class, and therefore new enterprises, economic stability, and the next generation of financial managers, the President should:
  • 12
    In 2000, Kathryn Harris was both a member of the Florida State Supreme Court who decided the verdict on the "hanging chads," and the head of the Bush election campaign in the same state. This is an example of:
  • 13
    There is a hole in the atmosphere that is causing desert-like stratospheric conditions in a large, observable swath around the globe that includes the middle stretch of the United States. This is an example of:
  • 14
    In your opinion, it is the responsibility of the media to report:
  • 15
    A better war-time political party would be:

Comments (4)


99 days ago
i wonder what side of the political spectrum they are on
649 days ago
This is by far the worst quiz on the entire site.
861 days ago
Based and Breadpilled
904 days ago
When you make a quiz, you’re not supposed to mock anyone’s decision in the answer! I didn’t know which answers to pick because you made it obvious what you are. I took this quiz to see which party I was but I couldn’t even finish because of the way you worded it. Just tell people what party they’re in, don’t make it sound like democrats are the only logical party. Every party has their beliefs. Just give the answer!