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Emotional intelligence is not merely about controlling emotional responses for one's own benefit an; that of others. It is also about using emotion where suitable. Emotion is, after all, at the heart of that sincerity which reassures, persuades and affords confidence; emotion triggers flight or fight, sometime-appropriately; emotion is necessary if we are to cope, for example, with bereavement; emotion can lie at the source of our greatest joys. The emotionally intelligent are like parents to their emotions, acknowledging their needs, loving them, indulging them where appropriate, encouraging their creativity yet restraining them from foolish, destructive or discourteous behaviour. To extend the metaphor, the emotionally intelligent are neither of the school which believes that emotions should be repressed - "seen but not heard," nor of that which would allow the little darlings to "express themselves freely to the discomfort or dismay of others. Emotional literacy with regard to others can only be learner by reference to the ABC of one's own emotions. If, therefore, you are not at ease with your own emotions, you will find it hard to relate to others and to respond appropriately to them.