Today. Yesterday. Tomorrow. Last week. Next week. Last month. Next month.
If you saw a glance of my life, you wouldn't think that I'm alone. I have five siblings, two parents, and at the moment my grandparents are here too.
But look deeper--into me. I have thoughts... so many thoughts... sometimes they're uncontrollable and I'll be up until well past twelve A.M., too petrified of what my traitorous mind conjures to even get up to tell someone--anyone!
Or I'll have said something that embarrassed me, or that I wish I'd never said or asked, and I would think about it for hours every day and well into the night... this terrible, horrible summer... oh, how I wish I could be young again! Such simplicity!
First, second grade...
Third, fourth, fifth grade!
When thoughts wouldn't run away from me every night!
When my friends were near!
When I wasn't here!
Oh, younger me...
Would you have made other choices, had you known what was coming?
Would you have tried becoming closer to your friends?
Would you never have done what you did?
Would you have told Ma and Pa about the thoughts?
My family doesn't notice. Why would they? They're busy... sister with writing, brother with whatever he does when he's not around, other brother with playing Legos, Ma and Pa with searching for the perfect house.
And all I am doing is thinking. Thinking strange thoughts, despairing thoughts, scared thoughts, lonely thoughts, crazy thoughts, angry thoughts, any negative thoughts that there can be, and books and writing have fun dry as distractions.
Nobody notices. They care, but don't care to look deep--they don't pry into the depths of each other's hearts and minds, least of all mine.
I am alone with my thoughts.