8 great clapbacks to throw your opponent off
Don’t you just hate it when someone says something rude to you and your brain freezes? You stand there like a loser and can’t think of one thing to say to that person. Then, an hour, day, or week later, you finally come up with the zinger you wish you’d said to them! Hey, we’ve all been there! But if you read this list, you’ll be ready the next time (and yes, there WILL be a next time!).
Well, you could get inspired by the best celebrity clapbacks à la Kim Kardashian and John Legend, or resort to a cheap alternative written by an antsy Twitter user. But "Go to hell" has gotten old and doesn't throw enough shade, does it? Wouldn't it be so much cooler to clap back at the haters and trolls with something they haven't seen on a list of funny celebrity tweets yet?
And let's be honest. Most of the best celebrity clapbacks are fabricated as well. After all, Celebrities have a whole social media team behind them because those snarky comments often don't write themselves! Remember the short-lived Instagram feud between Kim Kardashian and Lindsay Lohan? Or the simple joke between KJ Apa and Cole Sprouse? Fabricated or not, it sure makes for great publicity! Ask Monica Lewinsky who has been making the same joke since the 1990s! And it works every time.
Luckily, the internet can be your social media team! Let us help you with the best clapbacks (plus the rationale for their use) now. They’re smart - and some are kinda smart-ass, too!
1. “THANK YOU.”
Simply saying, “Thank you” not only demonstrates to a rude person that their mission to upset you failed, it makes you look mature in the process (maturity makes for the best clapbacks). It’s an acknowledgment that while you see the person’s rude intent, you have chosen not to get upset by it. When the offending person sees his or her ill-intended words didn’t faze you, there’s nowhere to go, and they will shut right down. But can you do it? Yes, you can! Because going off on them would steal your joy and let “them” win. With this trick in your back pocket, you could trump even someone like the queen of clapbacks, Chrissy Teigen, or her husband John Legend.
2. “I APPRECIATE YOUR POINT OF VIEW.”
Especially if the offending person is immature, this statement will make you look more intelligent and mature than they are. Their rudeness just showcases their basic insecurity, so keep that in mind when you’re in that situation, and don’t be tempted to sink lower than them in responding. Ultimately, you’re in control of you, so don’t give them the power to bring you down. A quick way to lift your mood is to know you took the high road and ended up looking better than the other person. When you let it be known that you will only accept respect from a person, they either have to respond respectfully or not at all. (If this doesn’t happen, shift your focus with the next tip.)
Not only will you look better than the other person, potentially, you’ll save yourself from a stressful shouting match or maybe even a physical fight.
3. “WE ARE DONE WITH THIS CONVERSATION.”
Sometimes, someone can catch you at a weak moment when you feel you can’t handle yourself without losing it. When this happens, the best thing to do is to simply end the conversation with a line like this one. This is especially important if you don’t want to permanently damage a relationship by losing your you-know-what. It lets you keep your dignity while still letting the other person know their offensive comment or question was unacceptable.
4. “WHAT WAS YOUR REASON FOR SAYING (OR DOING) THAT, AND DO YOU REALLY EXPECT A RESPONSE?”
This is especially useful in front of a group and will get quick results. The offending person will be thrown off balance because you’ll come off as calm, cool, and collected when they were expecting you to explode. They’ll know you are willing to talk things over rather than fight, and they’ll have the chance to redeem themselves and to apologize to you in front of your friends, family, co-workers (or whomever).
Pro tip: If they cheekily say “yes” to the second part of the question, just shut them down with, “Well, it looks like you’re out of luck!” and move on without engaging further.
5. “THAT NEARLY HURT MY FEELINGS.”
If you’re the sarcastic type, this comeback is perfect for you. It sends a clear message that you choose to let the person’s negativity roll right off you. While it’s a little sarcastic, it’s not over-the-top, and still lets you counter rudeness with maturity. When the offending person sees that you refuse to take their bait, they’ll run right out of gas and probably won’t try to annoy you again (in that conversation, anyway).
6. “YOU’RE RIGHT.”
This isn’t the easiest thing to say when you’re annoyed or angry, but what can the offending person say to counter it? The conversation will end right there. The key is to just let the topic drop and not engage on it any further. You might not mean it sincerely, and it’s not as gratifying as some other things you could clap back with, but saying, “You’re right” will definitely rain on the other person’s parade because they won’t get the rise out of you that they were seeking.
7. “YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING NEGATIVE, DON’T YOU?”
This will give the offending person pause and force the attention off of you and back onto them. At the same time, this clapback forces them to focus on what they said and, unless they’re a complete psychopath, will make them think twice about saying the same kind of annoying or hurtful thing to you in the future. It’s always OK to speak up when someone insists on doing and saying things they know offend you. Don’t ignore what your instinct is telling you. And you won’t just be doing yourself a favor…the offending person probably does the same thing to others. Maybe your clap back won’t be the one that gets through to them once and for all, but at least they’ll be forced to think about what they said/did.
8. “I LOVE MYSELF. I LOVE YOU, TOO.”
This line is probably best used on family and friends (not your boss or teacher, haha). Spoken sincerely and used sparingly, it will grab attention and immediately shut down all but the most sociopathic people. You can’t lose with kindness, most of the time. When you express to the offending person that you’re full of love for them, most likely, whatever they said will become irrelevant and lose power immediately. They will feel sheepish about their sourness compared to your sweetness. Plus, let’s face it – people don’t expect such a pure and vulnerable reaction from others, especially when tensions are running high. You’ll catch them off guard and they’ll most likely drop whatever it was, if not respond that they feel the same as you. Again, this has to be used very sparingly or it will lose its ability to stun.
Need more short but sour clapbacks?
Check out this caustic one-liner extravaganza!
These 50 short clap backs should be used at your discretion - some of them are definitely kinda cruel. But so are the celebrity clapbacks we love so much (think Nicki-Minaj-answering-her-fans'-comments-on-instagram-cruel)! Channel your inner Smash Mouth and have your friends laughing in the face of any disgruntled twitter user, instagram commenter, or any real-life person.
If you feel the relationship can handle these insults, or if you plan to deliver them tongue-in-cheek, to apologize afterward, or to just never see the person again, hurl away!
- If you are going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty
- Your village called. They want their idiot back
- Oh, I heard you, I just don’t care
- Go play in traffic
- I’ve been called worse by better people
- I would agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong
- You are proof that evolution can work in reverse
- Isn’t it dangerous to use your entire vocabulary in one sentence?
- I like you. People say I have no taste, but I like you
- You changed your mind? Does this one work any better?
- Did your parents ever beg you to run away from home?
- Are you always such a ray of sunshine?
- If you worked out as much as you run your mouth, you’d be ripped
- You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid
- Why is it OK for you to be an idiot, but not for me to point it out?
- I might not be perfect, but at least I am not you
- I was going to give you a disgusted look, but I see you’ve already got one
- I love the sound you make when you shut up
- You are as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle
- Did someone leave your cage open?
- The only thing wrong with me is that I’m talking to you
- If I threw a stick, you’d chase it, right?
- Now I understand why some animals eat their young
- Earth is full, go home
- This is the perfect time for you to become a missing person
- I believed in evolution until I met you
- I’ve never seen such a small mind inside such a large head before
- You have the rest of your life to be a jerk, why don’t you take the day off?
- Do you like nature, despite what it did to you?
- Aww, it’s so cute when you prattle on about things you don’t understand
- Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you are a jerk
- Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental
- I’m jealous of people who don’t know you
- There are petri dishes more cultured than you
- If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world
- Stupidity is not a crime, so you are free to go
- You aren’t stupid, you just have bad luck while thinking
- Keep rolling your eyes - maybe you’ll find your brain back there
- Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything
- Don’t think; you might sprain your brain
- The problem with closed-minded people is that your mouths are always open
- Hi, I’m a human being, what are you?
- Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents’ job
- You should apologize to the trees working so hard to make oxygen for you
- You are dumber than soup
- The condom factory sends apologies to your parents
- I feel five years dumber after listening to you for five minutes
- Did you not practice this in a mirror first?
- Just before I walked in, that shoe was the smartest thing here
- They say, ‘Be yourself.’ But that advice was clearly not meant for you
Have you found your favorite clapback on our list? Then you are ready to take on the world! Or maybe just twitter for now.