100 short and funny quotes to keep your cool
What makes a quote cool? That it makes you laugh? That it helps you win an argument? Or that it describes you perfectly? Some quotes can do it all at the same time!
You can put short quotes in your WhatsApp status or send them to a friend, and some funny quotes can also be used to end a conflict with humor. The point is, you can't go wrong with a quote. Be it about finding happiness in life, in love, friendship, or simply expressing a fleeting feeling or thought. More often than not, those famous quotes are very serious and have been said by popular philosophers or authors. But what about a good joke to lighten the mood? Funny quotes can still hit the nail on the head!
Stay cool! We got you covered!
Table of contents
Cool and funny quotes for any occasion
Funny quotes can lift your mood and your position in the group! Funny remarks make you look smart, and who doesn't want to surround themselves with smart people 😉. Here is our selection of cool quotes for any occasion!
- I'm a woman, I don't forget, I archive.
- Even the most stubborn vegetarians do not like to bite the dust.
- You rarely find happiness where you look for it.
- In the past... when you still broke up properly by text message than simply changing your Facebook status.
- The round has to go into the square! Or in other words: I'm going to bed.
- I'm happy when it rains. Because it also rains when I'm not happy!
- Shoutout to myself.
- Why simple, if it can be complicated?
- Without a sense of direction, you get to see much more of the world!
- Real friends sit next to you at the end of the world, drinking, laughing and betting who will croak first.
- I used to have panache. Today I have wifi. It's okay.
- I'm not small, I'm just reduced to the best.
- Don't give up on your dreams so quickly, sleep longer.
- Thinking is like googling, but on hard mode.
- Everything used to be easier. Me, for example.
- A handful of aces and life plays chess.
- Those aren't bags under my eyes. Those are the shadows of my great deeds.
- Headphones in. Music on. World off!
"Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves."
– Albert Einstein
"Being cool is being your own self, not doing something that someone else is telling you to do."
– Vanessa Hudgens
"Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air."
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Never bend your head. Hold it high. Look the world straight in the eye."
– Helen Keller
"Action expresses priorities."
If you are looking for a saying for a birthday greeting, you can find them here: Funny Birthday Wishes
Cool quotes and tips for life
Do you sometimes wish there was a piece of advice that could solve all your problems? A simple sentence to inspire you to take matters into your own hands? Maybe there is, maybe there isn't. But life is too long to live unhappy, and too short to look for perfection in everything. The secret to keeping your cool and making the best of it, is to have fun. It's the moments of laughter we look back at fondly. Not every life quote has to be deep and burst with wisdom.
- If you don't like who I am or what I do with my life, that's fine. I live my life for me and not for you.
- There are only two important questions in life: "Is it good for me?" and "Can you eat it?".
- Always remember, everyone else is living for the first time too.
- Those aren't forehead wrinkles, that's a six-pack from thinking.
- Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him about it every six months.
- Character is what's left of man when things get unpleasant.
- Relationships are like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park.
- I no longer count calories. I have come to trust that they are all there.
- I can't stop myself from getting old. But I can make it fun!
- I'm at the age now where I can't get by with one weekend a week.
- Alexa. Do sports for me!
- I'm from Ironies. It's because of the Sarcastic Sea.
- The main thing is that we all sit in the same home later.
- Have courage. Everyone can give up. Not many can keep going.
- Life is tough, but so am I.
- You're the cheese to my macaroni.
- Maybe I'll just get lost on the way to work. To the beach, for example.
- It's all good as long as you're wild. Except when you're wild.
- Don't give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping.
- I had math as a second foreign language in school.
- I lead a life with a lot of dignity. And would-have-beens. And would have.
- You're as old as you feel! Holy shit.
- I'm not always partying. It's just that nobody takes pictures when they're studying!
- Always smile and wave.
- Decluttering my life like Marie Kondo.
- Seriously. If I lived every day like it was my last, I'd be in jail by now.
- My shin helps me find furniture in the dark!
- I'm bored... Bring me the court jester!
- My morning sport is sprinting to the bus!
- Flexible in level.
- Home is, where the belly doesn't have to be pulled in.
- Everyone wants to be individual. But woe betide anyone who is different!
"Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances."
– Thomas Jefferson
"An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her."
– Agatha Christie
"Never say anything about yourself you don't want to come true."
– Brian Tracy
"I can take it. The tougher it gets, the cooler I get."
– Richard M. Nixon
"He who keeps his cool best wins."
– Norman Cousins
"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough."
– Mae West
"Love; A temporary insanity curable by marriage."
– Ambrose Bierce
If you're looking for inspirational quotes about life and its ups and downs, you can find them here: Quotes about life
Cool quotes about love
- What do you call a woman who has no ass? Single.
- I live in constant fear of falling in love with someone who wants to do something on Sundays.
- My husband really does have a great wife!
- Love is just a word. So is curd.
- I want someone to look at me like I look at chocolate cake.
- I may meet you in the middle. But I'm not running after you!
- You were my cup of tea but I drink wine now.
- My life was simpler when I thought boys were dumb.
- If men keep this up, I'm going to marry my best friend!
- I'm not high maintenance. You're just low effort.
- Relationship status: I can only stand couples if they're shoes.
- You can laugh at almost anything. Just not with everyone.
- A man, a word. A woman, a dictionary.
- Good thing I brought my library card. Because I'm totally checking you out.
- I keep my relationships like I keep my hair. Short.
- It's supposed to rain red roses for you. With vases.
- I have only one weakness. You.
- I solemnly swear, I am up to no good. Especially when I'm with you.
- Will you lend me a kiss? I promise, I'll give it back to you.
"Love is like a virus. It can happen to anybody at any time."
– Maya Angelou
"Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch."
– Cathy Carlyle
"Mumps, measles, and puppy love are terrible after twenty."
– Mignon Mclaughlin
"That's all nonviolence is - organized love."
– Joan Baez
"I have decided to stick to love; hate is too grat a burden to bear."
– Martin Luther King, Jr.
"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love."
– Albert Einstein
"Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin, as self-neglecting."
– William Shakespeare
"We had a lot on common. I loved him and he loved him."
– Shelley Winters
"A man is halfway in love with any woman who listens to him."
– Brendan Francis
If you want to express love differently, find out how to write a saying or poem about love here. You'll find even more sayings and ideas there!
Cool quotes for your social media status
A cheeky quote in your WhatsApp status or Instagram story is sometimes the first impression, and even more often a message to your contacts. Do you want to make people smile or wow them with a famous quote? What do you want to tell the world about yourself?
- I don't have any quirks, they're special effects.
- The early bird can kiss my ass.
- I'm so tired, I could sleep through a whole double bed by myself.
- When a screw is loose, life has some play.
- I can only guess what I mean by that now, too.
- If you're lazier than me, you're dead.
- I came, saw and forgot what I wanted.
- I am always well-behaved. Vicious. Peculiar. Peculiar. Unique!
- Vodka may not be the answer, but it's worth a shot.
- I could really take a vacation.
- Before we fall, we better fall up.
- Fall down, get up, fix the crown, move on.
- Nowadays it's hard to be stupid because there's so much competition.
- Works for me! Although backwards and downhill, but running!
- "Oops" is always better than "what if".
- Today I resolve to be spontaneous tomorrow.
- Doing is like wanting, only more blatant.
- The first five days after the weekend are the worst.
- Break after sports is important. I always do so 2-3 years.
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."
– Mark Twain
"Nothing is cooler and more attractive than a big comeback, and that'll be me."
– Steven Adler
"Everything in moderation. Including moderation."
– Oscar Wilde
"Rather be dead than cool."
– Kurt Cobain
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
– Eleanor Roosevelt
Want some more inspirational quotes for your social media status? You'll find tons of inspirational quotes and life quotes right here: Quotes about life
Cool sayings against stupid comments
A good saying can end a conflict. A funny saying wins it!
- Don't be annoying! Go to the desert, vacuum.
- I don't want to say you're boring. But if you were a spice, you'd be flour.
- Move along, or move aside.
- Yes, you're great. Now get out of my way.
- You're so funny. I guess that's why I heard some people call you a clown.
- Using irony against stupid people is like throwing a stone at a tank. You can do it, but it's useless.
- I don't sugarcoat the truth. Do I look like Willy Wonka?
- "Patience – what you have when there are too many witnesses.
- You talk so much shit, you could fertilize a whole field with it.
- I'm sorry - heck, I'd do it again!
- We don't gossip - we state facts
- Never laugh at someone who takes a step back. He might be gathering speed
- Keep your speech short. I've got places to be.
- Can I get you anything else? Coat? Cab?
- With some people I think to myself: He's probably also turning the square in Tetris.
- Sometimes you have to blame others!
- Keep your word or shut up.
- I'd rather be an honest asshole than dishonest and nice!
- Did I say "open garbage can" or why are you talking to me?
- I'm glad you're here and not here.
- Lord, make brains rain! ... Or stones. The main thing is that you hit.
"Understanding is a two-way street."
– Eleanor Roosevelt
"Little minds have little worries, big minds have no time for worries."
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
"True friends stab you in the front."
– Oscar Wilde
"Never complain, never explain. Resist the temptation to defend yourself or make excuses."
– Brian Tracy
"The most pathetic person in the world is someone who has sight, but has no vision."
– Helen Keller
"Even if you are a minority of one, the truth is the truth."
Hilarious sayings and quotes are fine and dandy, but do you want to really disarm someone? Then our guide to the best clapbacks to end conflicts is just right for you! Not only will you find one disarming quote after another, but you'll also learn the best way to handle conflict situations.
Have you found a quote for your purposes yet? Share your favorites in the comments!